Sara's POV ~
(Right after BTS left)
Once they'd left, and their mini van was no longer in sight, I burst into tears.
What just happened?
Was I crying because I was overwhelmed after meeting my idols? And having exchanged numbers? Like it some kind of dream?
Or was I crying because of what I did to my friends? Because of how cruel I was to them?
After loving, supporting and admiring these boys for so long -
For the past 3 years I thought I would never meet them. I was dying to meet them. I was dying to tell Jimin how perfect he is, how great of a person he his - and how great he makes me feel. I wanted nothing more than to look him in the eye and tell him how much he had helped me through my sadness and despair. How his eloquent dancing, his honey-like voice and joyful personality made me fall in love with him more and more each passing day. I wanted to tell him how crazy made me feel. And tell him how crazy it is to love someone I've never met with every ounce of my being.
When I saw his face, for a split-second, I missed him. I missed him so much. I don't understand how I could miss someone I've never met before, but I missed him. And maybe it was because how much he occupies my mind. Maybe it was because my heart already claimed him as it's own before fate was generous enough to let us meet - to let me meet him.
To meet the one who caused my heart to race before my eyes met his.
And maybe that was all it was supposed to be. Perhaps the universe only wanted me to catch a glimpse of him.
But how could a glimpse suffice? I wanted more. I became greedy.
If only you are not Park Jimin from BTS.
If only you are just you, Park Jimin.
I love you.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for deceiving you - you, who I claim to love.
The more I lie to you, the more I ruin and take for granted what could have been something beautiful. I ruined the opportunity fate had given me, and I'll never forgive myself.
But please, forgive me.
Forgive my weak self.
Because I am too much of a coward to tell you the truth.
And to my friends, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry.
But my apology will never be enough. And I know that.
Because the damage I caused is a wound that won't heal, but is guaranteed to cause a scar.
Because unlike jimin, the love we shared wasn't unrequited.
Because you all cared for me, more than I cared for myself.
Because throughout high school you guys did nothing but lift me up when I'd feel depressed.
And in return, I did nothing but humiliate you in front of the ones you love most.
Forgive me, please.
Forgive me for putting my emotions before my morals.
Forgive my selfish, cruel heart for hurting you all.
Forgive me for believing my right to meet BTS was more important than yours.
Forgive me for thinking I was more deserving of this opportunity than you are, because I will never be. And I have proven that today.
Forgive me, because regardless I'll never forgive myself.
Filler chapter because I feel like things were happening too quickly in the last few chapters. Oh and sorry for uploading more than a year later, I didn't think I would procrastinate this much lol :-))
