The Fourth Year

new dawn

And today, when midnight strikes, will mark the end of another year. Tomorrow will be another day, in another month, of a fresh year. New Years has always been a daunting day for me. But, now, I intend to change. Change for the better to be exact.

I've wasted too much of my senior year trying to not care. I've missed college application and scholarship deadlines. I've allowed my grades to drop at a very concerning level. I've blown off too many classes. I've forgotten how to solve simple mathematics. I've gone too far. And this little "dance with the dark side" is done.

I'm done making resolutions. The decisions to change are easy, but execution is the very next step. A very difficult step too. But, it's a step I gotta take. I'm a fucking senior now, and it's practically January. I have ZERO acceptances to colleges, and NO SCHOLARSHIPS to my name. I have NO IDEA what I want to be, or where the hell I'm going. And it sucks! It really sucks.

I'm tired of being the dumb kid, that doesn't understand what's going on in class. I'm tired of being the fat kid that can't finish the shuttle runs. I'm tired of being the lost kid that gets laughed at for being so confused, and has to have everything explained to them. And I most definitely am done with being the kid that always say, "Oh, I got detention," because it's lame. All these kids are not me, and I know that I don't exactly know who "me" is, but I'm sure I'm not those kids. I will start making changes. It's a promise to myself, and everyone else that believes in my capabilities (even when I didn't believe I had any myself).