Sasaeng-ing my way into your pants {Kai/Chanyeol} (1)

“Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I’m homebound~”

Chanyeol hums to himself as he skips on the way back to his apartment after his evening shift at the café. He has about four hours before he needs to head out to bartend at Mist and he plans to dive head first into his bed once he gets home. But something catches his eyes as he prances past a convenience store. He skids to an abrupt stop, wide eyes fixed on the bulletin board outside the shop.

Dog Missing

Missing a brown St. Bernard, male, about 80 cm tall and weighs 80 kg

 

Beneath the caption is a colored photo of the dog. Chanyeol stares at the photo and frowns. It reminds him of someone but he can’t quiet put a finger to it. Then the door to the convenience store opens and out walks a familiar figure. Chanyeol raises his eyes and gapes.

“You!”

Baekhyun stops dead in his tracks and blinks. When he finally recognizes Chanyeol (with slight difficulty considering his dumbo ears are hidden by the furry fat with ear flaps), Baekhyun winces and turns swiftly around, but Chanyeol is quick on his feet and grabs him.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you,” says Baekhyun as tries to pry open Chanyeol’s hands on his arm.

“Aww, you make it sound like you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.” Chanyeol looks at him with puppy eyes. Baekhyun is unimpressed.

“That’s because I am,” replies Baekhyun flatly. Chanyeol’s eyes cast down and he looks hurt. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and sighs. “Alright. What is it?” Chanyeol may be a walking embodiment of the worst’s jokes of the century, he’s still Baekhyun’s best friend.

Chanyeol’s eyes light up and he tugs Baekhyun toward the bulletin board. He grins as he points to the photo of the St. Bernard.

“Look, you look like him!”

Baekhyun blanches.

“I don’t look like a fucking dog.”

“But it’s so cute?? I mean…”

Baekhyun tunes out Chanyeol as he rambles on about the resemblance between Baekhyun’s eyelids and the dog’s. As if dogs have eyelids. Then his eyes land on a poster pinned next to the Missing Dog flyer.

“Chanyeol, take a look at this.” Baekhyun tugs at Chanyeol’s jacket and points at the poster. The caption reads Wanted: Bodyguard. “Isn’t that dude you like from SM? They’re hiring a bodyguard. Interesting.”

Chanyeol immediately tears it off the bulletin board, eyes bulging with a glint of excitement.

“I’m so going to apply for this!” Chanyeol exclaims.

“Did you even read the whole thing to see if you’re qualified?” asks Baekhyun. He just pointed it out to Chanyeol because the company that posted it looked familiar. From scanning the job description just now, he’s pretty sure Chanyeol doesn’t have what it takes to be a bodyguard that a major entertainment agency is hiring.

“Of course I am. I’m tall and good-looking and strong.” Chanyeol flexes his biceps which are imperceptible underneath the three layers of clothes he’s wearing.

“Right, and that’s all it takes to be a professional bodyguard.”

The sarcasm dripping in Baekhyun’s voice goes unnoticed as Chanyeol carefully folds up the poster and tucks it into his pocket. Baekhyun rolls his eyes for the fourth time in the span of ten minutes.

“You’re what??” Baekhyun shouts into his phone. He pulls back and gapes at the device in his hand in disbelief, as if it’s responsible for the shocking news he just received.

“I’m hired!” Chanyeol chirps on the other end of the line, a shit-eating grin stretched wide across his face. Baekhyun does not want to imagine that right now. He’s already packing aka picking things up from the floor and smelling them before tossing into a suitcase. The position is live-in as he’s supposed to be near the target of protection 24/7.

“You-but how??” Baekhyun’s eyes are stretching so wide it hurts. A fleeting thought crosses his mind that perhaps the sky is raining Skittles because none of this makes any sense.

“Pretty sure it’s because I’m tall and good-looking and strong.”

Baekhyun can feel the herculean grin on Chanyeol’s face, so oppressive like it’s actually sitting on top of his head. He hangs up on Chanyeol after a half-hearted “Congratulations”.