The Way We Were

Chapter 9

Happy New Year!

Emma hesitantly stepped forward, a few cups of cocoa in her hands. Regina didn't notice her until she was a few feet away. "Need a match?" Emma offered, taking out her emergency pack.

She hadn't seen Regina smoke since they were young, and it irritated her that she had started again. Especially with her health being the way it was. But she couldn't judge her for it, not really. Emma had put her through hell, and she had to be the one to care for their boys when she was away.

Regina waved away her offer. "I don't smoke them. It's just something to do with my hands."

The blonde stepped forward and sat down on the steps next to her wife. She set down Regina's cup of hot cocoa before sipping her own, watching as the warmth of the liquid rose in the darkened sky.

"You didn't even tell me goodbye when you left," Regina spoke after a few minutes of silence. "Regina, you left me," Emma answered honestly.

Regina let out a breath, watching as the condensation drifted away with the wind. "I was hurting."

"I know," Emma said quietly, wanting to move closer but holding back. "So was I. That's why I left. I wanted to become a better person. And if that meant you moving on without me... well, I was going to respect that. And clearly you're doing so much better- "

"Yeah, well I'm not," Regina interrupted her. Emma's eyes widened as the woman turned to face her with tears in her eyes. "Do you think I'm happy knowing nothing is going to be the same between us? Do you honestly think I was happy with you gone? No. Every day it hurt a little more. And then you signed the divorce papers and came back acting like you could just push everything under the rug." She gave a light chuckle. "If only it was that easy."

Emma felt tears freeze on her cheeks as she listened to her wife's speech. Just hearing the pain in her voice made her own heart break. All the anger, the sadness, the problems she had tried to move past these past 3 months hit her with all the force of speeding train.

"Did you think I liked being away from you? Coming back here was even worse than the treatment was because I wasn't sure you would want me anymore. You sounded so sure when you gave me those papers, Regina." Emma forced herself to look in her eyes. "I was just trying to move on like I thought you wanted."

"I'm sorry, Emma. I- I shouldn't have given you those papers. I was at my wit's end. But I never stopped loving you. No matter what I said before. And the thought of losing you- "

Regina cut off as she clutched her chest. Emma immediately sprang up as the woman fell forward on her hands and knees. "Regina, what's happening?" She fought not to panic.

The older woman took a few unsteady gasps before grabbing onto Emma's outstretched arm. "It's- okay. This has been happening- "she groans in pain. "Since when? Why didn't you tell me?!" Emma said, fear creeping into her voice.

Regina seemed to recover rather quickly and managed to sit back down. Emma refused to let her go, instead holding onto her hand and waiting for her to speak. "It's alright," the woman offered her a reassuring smile that didn't comfort Emma in the slightest.

"Should I take you to the hospital?" Emma asked nervously. "No, no. It's just cold out here and my emotions got to me," Regina answered.

The blonde immediately helped her up, throwing the unused cigarette to the ground with a look of disgust as if it was to blame. Regina grabbed her arm before she went to open the roof door.

"I'm not ready to go back yet."

"We're not," Emma said. The older woman gave her a look of confusion. The blonde smiled and turned to face her. "We're going home. The boys are staying here and I am taking you back home to get a good's night rest. Because we both know Christmas Eve we'll need to take turns on patrol catching them when they -sneak out of bed."