The Diary of Anna

This is just some school-work I wanted to share. 

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The Diary of Anna

Tuesday 03.04 1889; Day One:

This day has been different. A lot of crying, a lot of sorrow. But I keep being strong and standing tall, just the woman I'm supposed be. I keep thinking ‘Anna, you got this, right?’ But I certainly haven't. I feel out of control, and I just have to go with the flow like the rest of us. My Father is a great man and all, but is he right about moving to America? I have heard great things about this America, and it sound fabulous and exiting, but is it the right time moving over there. I am with child, and shouldn’t be wasting time on a ship and maybe drown, when I can relax and give birth here in England, and then maybe go over. Isn't that the right move to make? Not according my Father. The sooner we get there, the better, he says. Why not give birth in America instead?

So, now I am stuck on a ship named Ellinor. A beautiful name it is, indeed, and just the look of her was magnificent and powerful, but it was frightening as well. The thought of maybe never seeing my big sister Olivia again makes me feel vulnerable and weak. Who is going to help me take care of the child when it's coming? It's not going to be my Father, or the father of my child, who is long gone by now.

I feel so stupid falling in love and get pregnant only to get heartbroken because he found out he wanted to leave the country to explore. I have been sending letters to Arne who is living in America as well, but I regret it now. I hope I'll never see him when I get there.

I can get another Father to my child. It's just so hard to find good father-material, especially here.

 

Wednesday 04.04 1889; Day Two:

My Father says the trip over the Atlantic will probably take more than two weeks, and I can't stand even one day. I feel sick and want to throw up, but I'm not sure if it is the ship or just me being pregnant.

My Father is rich, so we got a cabin just to ourselves. I shouldn’t be complaining, because it could have been a lot worse, but the thing is that the cabin isn't that big. I feel very trapped in here, so today I decided to dress up until my growing belly was hidden under a lot of clothing and sneak out to see the ocean.It was beautiful in every direction and I felt free, for the first time in days. Then, I heard someone singing beautifully on the deck. A man was standing far out on the deck, singing his throat sore. His voice was powerful and I felt drawn to the voice singing "Four pence a Day." His name was Derik, and a gentle man he is, indeed. He sang “Four-Loom Weaver” like nobody else and I think I already have fallen a bit for him. I'm going to meet him tomorrow and I can't wait. I'm just concerned that he isn't going to be so gentle if I tell him about the child I'm carrying.

 

Sunday 08.04 1889; Day Six:

The past four days have actually been great. Thanks to Derik, the days on this ship have been tolerable, even when the waves have thrown me around in the walls harder than I think my child can handle. But I'm still alive, and I still haven't told Derik about the child, who is coming soon. He probably thinks I am cold or a bit chubby, sadly.

He guided me through most of the ship, even his cabin, who he shared with seven other immigrants. His sister, Christie, who he has a very cold relationship with, and his two nephews, Finn and Koll, who he adores, was three of them. The cabin was, for me, not livable, so I invited them to stay over in mine and my Father's cabin. I thought that my Father would let them, at least stay over just one night, until their cabin was cleaned up from puke and feces, but no. My father didn't tolerate that at all and smacked them out like they were a piece of garbage. He let out his anger on Derik and screamed that I, his pregnant daughter, wasn't available to a man who lived only for a few pence a day. Father called him and his sister so many horrible things that I just can't believe he actually dared to say.