Broken In Love

Why did you broke my heart?

Staring at the empty space while fidgeting my hand

I am here again at the coffee shop where you left me last time

The same place, the same table and the same time

I can feel the heat coming from my eyes while I try my very best to prevent my tears from falling

I swallowed the lump in my throat and bow my head because I feel so ashamed of myself

I can sense the curious eyes of the people sitting in the nearby table

They are whispering to each other and exchange side way glances while pointing at me

I can hear them but they are too stupid to realize that

The waiter came and greet me

I didn't bother to look at him because I'm so consumed by the saudade feeling

He left the menu, small white paper and a pen in front of me and left

As I slowly reach the paper and scan the menu

The nostalgia begun to crash, all the things that we've done before revisits my mind

From the day we first met to the last time you broke me and every thing in betweens

I used to love this place so much that I am here almost everyday.

This cafe became my favorite cafe when we are still together

Every corner of this shop reminds me of you,

From your usual Caffe Misto to my all time favorite Iced Hazelnut Macchiato and the fairtrade chocolate brownie that we both crave for

This shop reminds me of who we used to be,

of how happy we where before,

And how much you loved me.

This store became the witness of the love that we shared,

the ups and downs of our relationship

And the promise of forever that ended so quickly.

A friend once asked me

"Do you miss your first love?

Her question caught me offguard

but when I slowly recoved, I just smiled and said

"No. I just miss its innocence which believed in 'forevers'."

I stand and left. I've been here for almost twelve hours now.

I was their first customer and I am still their last.

For the past three months since the day you left,

My daily routine became patiently waiting for you.

I am both hopeless and hopeful for the idea that one day,

When you finally realize that you miss me and you want me back

I will still be here, on the same place where you left me

Tirelessly waiting for you to come back with open arms.

I woke up from the nightmare of being alone and realize it was not a dream

Stare at the brokenhearted girl who is staring back at me

I took a quick bath

Get the white mini dress that you really like

Walk my way into the coffee shop and do what I usually did.

When they are about to close the shop, I go home

And cry myself to sleep

The routine repeats everyday

I was devastated because I don't know why you decided to end everything that we had

We're so happy and contented for the past three years

We didn't usually fight although there are times that we have misunderstandings

It is normal for lovers to have a quarrel

The important thing is that,

At the end of the day we reconcile and settle everything before we separate ways

That rainy day came, suddenly everything has changed

I know you knew that I am not quick to adopt to changes.

I don't know what happen and I don't understand why...

Why you never explained to me what made you realize that its better to end it that way

Why you just told me to STOP.

Stop loving you like its just a switch that you can turn on/off if you want to

Like its just a normal thing to do

Like its easy

The moment you told me to stop is like taking the oxygen that I am breathing

The moment you turn your back at me, you didn't realize that you take my heart with you

You took everything that I was left with nothing

You used to be the crayons the brought colors in my life

Now that you're gone, I am back to my old colorless self

Back to the empty coloring book, lifeless and lonely

Maybe its way much easier for me to accept

If you just told me you never loved me

or you just suddenly fell out of love

It is easier for me to understand if you explained why

Its easier if you told me the truth that you already found someone better

That you love her more than you loved me

Because even if it hurts,

I will humbly accept my defeat.

I know for a fact that love is not a constant thing

That there will be a day that you just woke up

and the intensity of love isn't that strong anymore

That the love that you think would last

Is no longer there.

I don't know if I can still rise after this fall

Because I already forgotten who I was before I met you.