Well, to be completely serious i wasn't actually Baker acted per say. I was voluntarily put into said facility to recover.
Ok so on Thursday night I had a really bad anxiety attack that lead me to reveal that I had cut myself and currently wanted to die. So they took me to the ER. Everyone in my house was worried and I was too actually, so because I had said the ‘I want to die’ thing, I was put into the psych ward for 4 days.
Through this experience i was basicly there to discover coping mechanisms, and to start me on meds that would help. but in reality, i didn't really get the coping/therapy, i got really close to 3 amazing girls and developed a liking to someone i will never see again, and only knew for to days.
While in anxiety attacks, I I hyperventilate, shake really hard, I lose memory of what happens afterwards, I'm normally crying, I have the death grip on whatever is in reach, I don't like being touched and if you do I literally scream, and um probably more. So when the anxiety attack that ended me in the ER happend to last about 2 hours, it was something to be concerned about.
Once i was there, i was initially put in a room by myself, and right away i noticed the writing on the walls that i was expecting. Also things like band names, signs or religions, and words saying to run away from that place, because it was ‘Hell’. After the second day i was moved into a different room with one of said girls, and then i had realized she had a broken spoon with her and intended to cut with it. I spent that night curled up in the shower telling her not to, and just to sleep it all away and the doctors would help. Lets just say i didn't get a lot of sleep, and when they took my vitals at 6 the next morning and asked how i slept, i told them i had a hard time so i was put on another medication to help even though i didn't necessarily need it.
Through the other 2 days, it was basicly everyone leaving except for the four of us girls. The nurse hated us for being ‘happy’ and laughing, and we became closer of them music we listened to on the radio non-stop, and sharing our stories.
There was yesterday, Sunday, the day of my family session. The other girls had told me what happened in theirs, and i was generally scared because they had not gone home. BUt when mine came around i let out a lot and my family realized i had more issues than they thought were there. They brought up treatment options such as a in/out treatment facility and just very intense therapy. I wasn't really emotionally ready home to go home today, but i did. I am not going to school tomorrow, and the first question my mom asked me was if she needed to worry about me committing suicide. i hadn't even thought of it that way, since i would be home alone, you can see where i mind was at.
There was the whole taking a liking to a boy in a psych hospital thing. Well while I was there, there were like 6-7 of us and there was a guy named Jaimey (this is just how he spelled it idek) who I in thought he was adorable at the start even though he's 16, but while I was getting my vitals taken he was supposed to be also. We talked a little(he flirted OMG) but later on when it was just me and him when we were getting meds he asked me if I had heard him earlier, to which I said no, buT HE CALLED ME PRETTY OMFG. And also refused to believe I'm 14. Later on there were only 5 kids and they separated the boys and girls so when the curtains were open to the windows and he wasn't payed attention one if the other kids pointed at him, then me, then made the hole and finger thing with his hands(ew sex omg)... I literally died right then and there because apparently he was like talking about me or something. Then he left the next day and I was sad because I wanted to get to know him. It may sound stupid to think i like someone i knew for literally a day and a half, but one of my friends called it the Augustus Waters effect. I could see his scars and burns, all out in the open and all i wanted to do was hug and cuddle and tell him that everything was going to be okay.
Currently I am alright and been put on 2 different anti-depressants. Well, i'm not really alright, but as alright as i can be in this situation. If you ever need to talk, or want details/help from the therapy sessions i can always pass on the knowledge.
Btw thanks if you read this i kinda just needed to hide in my room for a bit.
