I am no perfectionist....but everything I wright down is true. I will have misspellings and grammar errors that I can guarantee.
A little information on me : I am a 16 year old female who has a dream of which I will never reach because I am not smart enough to. I have been bullied so badly for a few years. I have 3 sisters all of which are older than me and I love them all. I am not straight but cannot come out because my parents could never accept me. I love my mother dearly but I don't want to ruin the relationship I have with her.
My question to you all who choose to read... Why must we come out? Why must we have to explain who we are instead of rising up and doing it?
It pains me that we are all different but a lot of us cannot embrace it. In our generation people think it's "cool" to be gay, or "All gays go to hell christian or not" <------ My response to this is see you there! I thought as a Christian thou shall not judge one another.
I am a junior in high school who can't wait to get out! I'm honestly tired of being in this school my parents don't understand how badly I want to transfer. I get bullied daily but there isn't much I can say because it's always like "you need to tell them to shut up and grow up" Hahaha yeah lets get my ass kicked. There are 8 girls who bully me daily and since witnesses will not come forward there is nothing that can be done. I have tried to put myself in online courses and my parents won't let me do that. I go to a 1A school which means there is like less than 400 kids/high school/ and staff. It's all in two buildings with narrow hallways like maybe 10ft each 3 hall ways width. Not sure if thats right but we do not have stairs or any of that stuff in my school. Only things we have really are basketball,volleyball,football,softball,baseball, and we just got band this year! I only have played basketball in which I suck at I constantly got bullied by my team and coach.
I have always been seen as the trouble maker (In which I was when I was younger I had really bad ADHD) I am not a bad person, I do not look for trouble nor start it. Why bother me? I am a very sensitive person but stealing my shit away from me that's bullshit!!!! Nothing happens to them because they cannot prove any of it was mine since my name was on it. Anyways it really don't matter.
I am not an attractive person one bit. I have green eyes,glasses,freckles,short curly faux hawk, I am 5'9 1/2. My lips are small my breasts are weird my body looks like a log. I am trying to lose weight maybe then I can be more attractive. I weigh 205lb. I work in a restaurant with nothing but fried foods and every day I eat that except Sunday's when my mother cooks. (I can cook don't worry I just chose not to) As of tomorrow I am going on a 800 calorie a day diet to lose weight.
I want to be more attractive like my girlfriend.....She is a true beauty damn I love her. She is sweet, kind, beautiful, adorable, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, and she has the best personality. I met her when we played basketball but never had the courage to talk to her....No idea why. We go to different schools I think I was afraid of her.... We have this Youth Leadership Development Initiative every Tuesday and we were both accepted with 15 others from different schools in our county. I had this major crush on her when I saw her but I didn't think she was gay. Little do I know she says
"Hey I am gay just to let you know"
Well another week had passed it was Tuesday again. November 8th, 2016. The meeting had ended and we were standing in the lobby talking as I kept moving closer like some kind of weirdo. Anyways we have people who take us to and from the meetings if we cannot get a ride. So every Tuesday I would ride with one woman and my girlfriend would ride with another (like I said we live in different parts of the county about 45 minutes away from each other)
ANYWAYS on November 8th I got to ride with the woman who picks her up because mine was sick. So I am in the car dying of being so shy and embarassed I almost grabbed her hand. When she got home I begged her to text me and I told her goodnight (I'M SO CREEPY!!!!!!)
When I went home I was texting her like crazy I told her "I like you I am so sorry I don't mean to do this to you but do you want to go out?" About five minutes later she replied "yes"
So my last relationship went like this...his name was Jacob we were together a year and six months. He was my age...Thank god we broke up he was cheating on me the whole time with an 11 year old girl....I kept running back to him over and over then my mother finally said that is enough no more.. I always knew I wanted something more. This may sound stupid but I didn't really love him I don't know. I knew I wasn't straight I think I did it to make my parents happy. To this day I am not really sure what I was doing. We broke up before school and he kept harassing me over and over. After I got with my girlfriend he touched my ass and I turned around and kicked his dick. I had enough he was hurting me the whole time I was with him emotionally and physically.
