Modern Family

Growing Pains

The only thing left to load into the car was his acoustic guitar. He had left it for last because he knew once it was gone, every part of him would officially be erased from the house.

And this house and the past six years he'd spent in it had come to mean so much to him. Despite not being his childhood home, this was where he'd done his growing up, because this was where he and his three best friends had raised Savannah.

They hadn't officially settled down until Savannah was about three. The formative years of her life were spent on the road with the band, living out of hotel rooms and with her grandparents when the boys were home for breaks. But at some point, Jace had realized that his baby girl needed some sense of stability, so he'd enrolled her in a preschool and they bought a house.

And there, the five of them lived in happy harmony. They formed a sort of misfit family and although all four boys would admit that they never really had a clue what they were doing, the years they spent raising Savannah were ones they would cherish forever. It was in learning how to parent and how to compromise and put someone else's well-being before their own and make difficult decisions that they truly became men. The boys had all been best friends before Savannah entered their lives, but now they shared a bond which would keep them entangled in each other's lives forever and whether or not they ever said that out loud, they were grateful for that fact.

It was Liam who left first. At the time, they all said they understood why he made that decision, but the truth was that Ryan had felt a little betrayed. It took a night in playing video games once the move was official and half a bottle of whiskey for him to realize that what he actually felt was fear. Liam's departure was like a pebble dropping in a pond; it was sure to cause a ripple effect. As much as they might have all loved living in their happy little bubble with the four of them and Savannah, eventually they would have to face the real world, have to go live their own lives.

Which was why he wasn't nearly upset when Austin announced he was moving out a few months later. Saddened that he would no longer be living with his best friend, perhaps, but not on the brink of a breakdown as he had been after Liam left.

It was part of his maturing process, he'd realized, which was maybe why telling Jace and Savannah that he was moving out had almost been easy. The fact that Savannah was a bit older and he had a pretty iron clad reason to be leaving probably helped as well.

She hadn't reacted very well to Liam's announcement, but she had been better about Austin's, so by the time Ryan told her he was moving out after reading her a bedtime story, she seemed pretty okay with all of it.

But that didn't mean actually saying goodbye was going to be any easier.

He had been loading his stuff into his car and driving back and forth to his new place all day, so Jace had picked Savannah up from ballet, but Ryan didn't want to leave without officially saying goodbye to the little girl who had changed his life forever, so he had left the acoustic guitar on purpose.

Perking up when he heard the garage door opening, he turned from the empty to room to go meet Savannah down stairs, only to step out into the hallway to see her climbing the steps as fast as her little eight year old legs would take her, coming to a halt to his front when she reached the top.

"You're still here," she grinned widely, not bothering to take off her backpack as she stepped forward to wrap her arms around his waist and press her cheek to his flannel covered stomach. "I was scared you left already."

"Of course not," he reassured her, squeezing her ballerina bun affectionately and glancing down to the stairs to note that Jace was aware of what was happening and had decided to give them a few moments alone. "I would never leave without saying goodbye."

This wasn't the first time Savannah had seen one of her uncles move out. Liam had been the first, nearly two years ago and Austin had followed about a year later. So by the time Ryan had announced his departure, she wasn't even really fazed. Sad, perhaps, because she adored being able to see him every day, but not nearly as upset as she had been with Liam's announcement, maintaining a sense of calm and optimism that Ryan wished he could replicate.

Because the truth was, he had no idea what he was doing. Liam had moved out in order to allow a romantic relationship to progress and Austin had moved out for exactly the same reason, but Ryan didn't have anyone to share his bed when he slept in his new apartment for the first time. The only reason he was leaving was because he thought it was the right time to do so.

Career wise, he couldn't be happier, but when it came to his personal relationships, he felt as though he was stuck in a stall pattern. He wasn't entirely sure he'd ever been in an adult relationship and he supposed that the first step to growing up was to venture out on his own. Maybe finally having to rely solely on himself would give him the courage to move forward in the romance department. It was a rather bold way to wake himself up, he knew, but he was also pretty sure that if he didn't make a change soon, he'd end up unable to get himself out of his rut.

"Are you excited?" she asked, resting her chin on his stomach and tilting her head back so that she could look up at him, her blue eyes wide.

He knew she would be happy for him if he was, because all Savannah wanted in the world was for the people she loved to get everything they ever wanted, but he knew better than to lie. In the seven and a half years that he'd known her, he had never once told Savannah a lie and he wasn't about to start now. So he inhaled deeply before he made his admission quietly. "Actually, I'm pretty scared."

Tilting her head to the side, she replied. "How come?"

"Because," he sighed lightly, swaying her gently from side to side and causing her to giggle. "It's a big step, living on your own, and I've never done it before."

"Never ever?" she gasped, her eyes widening even further.

Laughing softly, he shook his head. "Never ever. I lived with my parents until I was sixteen and then we started touring, so I'd stay with them whenever I was in the country and then you came along and we moved into this house."

"Oh," she whispered as she processed his words, taking a few moments before she spoke again. "Well, if you never try it, you won't know if you like it, right?"

"I guess not," he chuckled, wondering how an eight year old could possibly be so wise. He'd been trying to get himself psyched up to leave for weeks and she'd done just that in one sentence.

"And if you hate it, you can always come back here; Daddy won't mind."

She said the second sentence with so much conviction that he almost contemplated living with Jace and Savannah forever, know that Jace really wouldn't mind having his best friend around for as long as Ryan would stay. Still, Ryan knew that making progress involved refusing that offer, so he leaned down to kiss the top of Savannah's head and whisper against her hair. "Thank you, Sav. I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too," she responded quietly, squeezing her arms around his waist a little tighter. "Will you come back to visit me?"

"All the time," he promised. "It'll be like I still live here."

Nodding against his chest, she hugged him for a moment longer before taking a step back and waving her hand to indicate that he should come down to her level. He did as he was told, squatting down so he could look her in the eye. She took a step forward and placed her palms flat against each of his cheeks, keeping her gaze direct as she spoke. "Love you."

Laughing softly, he repeated the words back to her before wrapping his arms around her tiny frame and pulling her against his chest, turning his neck to the side to press kisses against her hair and hoping he was absorbing all of her strength and wisdom.

He stood once they had parted, turning back towards the bedroom to grab his acoustic guitar and feeling his stomach tighten into knots at the bareness of the room. Inhaling deeply, he used his free hand to reach for Savannah's fingers, and together, they walked down the stairs and towards his future, which now seemed a lot less frightening.