Beauty and the Bozo

Part 5

Like six months ago, Hank once again stood outside Room 764. He opened and closed the door quietly before leaning against it. This time, Alex was leaning up against the headboard listening to his music. But, like always, he paused the music and took off his headphones. "Hank, dude, you're wearing way too much aftershave," Alex teased before making grabby hands in Hank's general direction.

Hank smiled. Even when his mood wasn't the best, Alex always managed to brighten up his day. "I didn't put much on today, and you know it," he told Alex, walking over to the bed and taking a seat on the edge of it. Alex immediately grabbed his hand and Hank gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm glad to see you alright, Alex."

"I wish I could see if you were. Can I...?" Alex raised his other hand towards Hank's face. Hank made a sound of agreement, and Alex brought a hand up to his face. Besides yesterday, Hank didn't really allow Alex to touch his face. He was always worried if Alex was going to hurt himself on his fangs or be distraught at the feel of his pointed ears. But, like always, Alex proved him wrong by not even flinching at the feeling. Hank all but purred at the ministrations. Alex's mouth tilted up on one side, one of Hank's favorite expressions on the other man. "I can't wait to see you in a few hours." Hank froze. Alex noticed that something was wrong immediately, and he became worried. "Hank? What's wrong?"

Hank was quiet, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. "I'm sorry, Alex, but I can't be here for the operation."

"What?" The other man's grip slightly tightened on the blue-furred mutant's face, not to hurt but to keep him in place. "Why? Is this because of the anti-mutant attacks yesterday?"

The doctor wasn't even surprised that Alex had figured out what happened yesterday. He would have been more surprised if Alex hadn't figured it out. "I don't want to put innocent people in danger. Its best for all of us if you just forget about me."

Alex's eyes began to water, but he didn't cry. "I can't. I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to try, but I don't. Please don't do this."

"I have to. I don't want to see you hurt because of me. Please understand. Besides..."

"What?"

"..."

"Hank, what is it?"

Hank sighed. He could never lie to Alex. "Your finaceé came back. I don't want to get in between—"

"I don't care about Lorna. I care about you. I don't care what the fuck anyone else says. She can go to hell for all I care. She couldn't deal with my disabilities; it put too much pressure on her to be with a blind man. She had pressure. I mean, seriously, how shallow can one person be? Well, actually, I do know. I used to be like that."

"I don't believe that," Hank says, covering Alex's hand with his own where it still rests on his face.

"Well, you need to. Because its true. I used to be shallow, use my disability to my advantage. I didn't have a care in the world until I was reunited with Scott. When he told me about his optic blasts, I was scared for him. But he's made his peace with it. It made me realize how much I haven't made peace with about myself. Then you happened, and I finally made peace with who I am. You are the reason I'm who I am, because when I'm with you... when I'm with you, I'm finally who I want to be."

Hank felt tears in his eyes at the confession. "I'm who I want to be when I'm with you too," Hank confesses. "I'm sorry but I need to go. I will be thinking of you for the rest of the day." He took a risk and kissed Alex on the forehead. "Be happy," Hank whispered before dropping Alex's hands and leaving. As he opened the door, he heard Alex whisper But I can't be happy without you, and it took all of Hank's willpower not to return to him. Instead he left without a backwards glance.

---

By the afternoon, Hank found himself in the mansion's large library, looking over old photos of himself before the transformation. He was jealous of his younger self, wishing he only had his deformed feet instead of this monstrous appearance. Maybe then he and Alex would have had a chance. But as long as he looked like this, there would never be a chance to find happiness. He then came across some pictures of him after the transformation, again envying himself. That was him before he met true hatred and fear, back when he was surrounded by people who only cared if he was smart or not. He huffed and threw the book away. It landed at the end of the staircase just as Raven walked in. She was in her natural form, which made her look very lovely. Hank remembered a time when he would have loved to be with her, but those times and feelings had long faded. It was nothing compared to the way Alex made him feel. Raven was carrying a tray of food, presumably for Hank, who hadn't eaten since earlier that morning. She looked at him with a concerned expression before he had to turn away. Hank heard her walking closer, covering his eyes with a paw in order to avoid eye contact with her. "I thought you might be hungry," she said, setting down the tray on the side table next to his seat.

Hank sighed. "No, thank you," he said, removing his glasses and hand from his face in the same motion, standing up to walk away from the conversation he knew Mystique planned on having with him. Instead of leaving the room, though, Hank walked over to the mirror, staring at his reflection. It really had been a while since he had seen himself. All he could see was the monster that everyone else saw. His eyes met Raven's in the mirror before flitting away quickly. All of sudden he felt a rippling anger, and he cried out as he punched the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces. Hank covered his face once more, not being able to stop the tears from flowing freely this time.

The doctor heard Raven come behind him, giving him a hug. "This is about Alex, isn't it?"

Hank didn't answer her, instead asking her, "Why did this have to happen to me? Why can't I be normal?! Its not fair."

Mystique continued to hug him before letting go, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Remember, Hank, mutant and proud. You have to think about how our gifts can help the world."

"Gifts?" Hank muttered, turning back to the other mutant. "I can't be close to any human in fear of putting them in danger! I can't be close to anyone because I don't know if I'll accidentally harm them! All you can do is change shape; I have fucking claws! I couldn't be close to my parents, never saying goodbye. Now, now I can't be with the man I love."

"Aw, Hank," Raven said, "I had no idea how much Alex meant to you."

"It was so much easier when I never left the mansion. I didn't have to worry about others hating me, about what they thought of me."

"And how does Alex feel about you?" Raven asks.

"I think— I think he cares about me."

"That's awesome."

"No, no it isn't," Hank spat at her, "I won't allow him to be with me. Its too dangerous for him. He can pass as human; I can't."

"Don't you think that's his decision? Hank, you once explained to me that humans are autonomous for a reason. Let Alex decide whether he wants to be with you or not. " Raven walked back to the staircase. Before climbing the first step, she looked over her shoulder at Hank. "Maybe you should talk to him about this. Give him the chance to make his own choices. We may not have had the choice to be like this, but we can chose how to live our lives like this." With that said, she walked up the stair, leaving Hank alone with his thoughts. It only took a few moments for him to mull over her words before he made one of the biggest decisions of his life. He just hoped he wouldn't live to regret it.