Why Does It Hurt So Much?

I can't begin to describe the indescribable feeling of hearing the words "...you have cancer.." being spoken into my young, innocent ears. Who knew that without even moving, you could get all the wind knocked out of you only to be replaced by a numbing sensation and that takes over your very mind, body and soul.

My male doctor who sat before me kept speaking to me about what I assume were my further options and the details of my disease; however, the words that were seemingly spewing out from his mouth didn't even reach my ear drums. My wide eyed gaze had glazed over almost as if I was in a dream looking at myself in the nightmarish situation that I was in. It was like my soul had left my body; I was emotionless and I was bloody enjoying it.

Finally. I can get out of what was like a cruel reality and escape from all the...

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I jumped up and out of my seat and gasped which abruptly snapped me back into reality. I looked around the room in a daze, slightly light-headed and confused as to what was causing that piercing ringing sound that was dulling my ability to hear or think straight. I didn't know that deafness was a side effect of cancer, was it? I looked back at my doctor who was flailing his arms around to try and get my attention; I could see his lips moving but I couldn't fully make out what he was saying. I could only understand "out...alarm...alright". From the panicked look on his face and using my incredibly average skills of common sense, I worked out that the fire alarm had went off and I actually was not hearing-impaired.

I took little robotic steps going in small circles around where I was standing for about a minute, not entirely sure as to what I should do. Should I leave my bag? Should I ask him to quickly print off my prescription? Shall I recite my last words just in case flames burst through the door and therefore leaving us with no way of escape?

Next thing I knew, something was being pushed into my hands and I felt a tight grip on my upper arms from behind me and somebody pushing me towards the door. I looked up to see my doctor and his very blatant worry lines peering down at me, I assume, to see if I was okay. I nodded my head at him and tried to focus on the simple task of walking.

We got outside into the freezing car park at the front of the doctors surgery and forced into a crowd of dazed looking people. Feeling slightly embarrassed by my ridiculous behaviour in the doctors office, I sped off to school. I'm  be too late but late enough to get a detention. I pulled my winter's coat closer to me and put my scarf on, trying to encase my body with warmth.

About 20 minutes of walking later, I'm at school and rushing to get to my first lesson which is English. My curly, nappy hair was slapping me in my face as my fast walk turns into a run. I don't want a late mark any where near my report. When I get to my lesson, I stand outside the door for a few seconds, regaining my breath and fixing myself up so I don't look like I just ran up 5 flights of stairs (of which I actually did). I enter the classroom and every head snaps towards me so quickly I swear I can hear the noise of their heads simultaneously swinging in my direction to look at me. I completely ignore my fellow students and talk to the teacher, explaining why I am so late. She regarded my reason and let me off on this occasion. I turned round to take my seat only to realise that there had been a new seating plan and someone else's bum was occupying the seat that my bum had gotten to know so well and love over the past year.

"Oops! I am so sorry Elisha," my shrill voiced teacher exclaimed "there has been a rearrangement in the seating plan so you'll be sitting next to Emmett"

I groaned internally but kept my face blank, I used to "like" that idiot until he decided that it would be brilliant if he started throwing insults at me for no reason to try and impress his new group of friends. I'll never forget that.