Different Fetishes

4. Alvinophilia

Hide your bellybutton folks, because these people like to get down and dirty with your navel. Alvinophilia is a navel fetish. I call this the Inney or Outey fetish (did I spell it right? if I didn't please tell me, I don't want a spelling mistake just sitting here when I could have fixed it). Its not a bad fetish to have because its way better than having an illegal one of course, but it still may be difficult to deal with. Let me set the scene for you:

Your out in the town, with your hot new spouse. Its been going good so far, you haven't weirded him/her/them (just in case you have more then one significant other) out, and overall, you can see yourself having a 100% chance of getting laid, or losing your v-card. After dinner, you get a little drunk after that, and then, you  start heading for the hotel room. You cant keep your hands to yourself, your all over each other, and just cant get enough. You are now in the hotel room, with your significant other (SO) or SO's, and you hit the bed. you take off your shirt, and your SO - or SO's - takes off his or hers or theirs. you start to look down the body of the one person that you feel you can spend your life with, and then you see his/her/their bellybutton(s). This is not good. This is the one thing that you did not see coming. the bellybutton of your previously thought soulmate, was a complete disaster. It had ugly scars, it was shriveled to a disgusting degree, and you could've sworn you saw something hiss. Your soulmate, the one that you deemed perfect, and totally deserving of your love, has a really fucked up bellybutton, and that is not acceptable. You cant get aroused after seeing that, and now, you are rethinking all of your life choices, even if they aren't relevant to your situation at all. You put your shirt back on, put your condom away, you face your SO and say, "Babe, this isn't going to work. You need to fix your navel, or else we cant be together. I'm sorry, but I just can't." Then you walk out the door in tears, and you never have a happily ever after again, because apparently, people don't know how to properly take care of a bellybutton.

And that was it. Now your alone forever because your ex found someone who could accept the fucked up gremlin's cave of a bellybutton, and no one you find can satisfy your needs or meet your standards.

JK! I don't think that happens very often if at all. In actuality, what you probably want to do is sit your SO(s) down, and tell them your fetish, if you have Alvinophilia of course. So That's it. See you next week.