Boku Ga Iru (I am Here)

Walking down the aisle.

  I took a step forward. The large Oak door opened revealing me, wearing a wedding gown. All eyes were on me, but my eyes were not willing to meet with any of them. The one person whose eyes they wanted to meet with is not here. They simply starred into the confined space unable to fix their gaze. I couldn't blame them. I couldn't really blame anyone but myself for this. 

It was'nt meant to be like this. I was supposed to be on that flight with him, but a moment's hesitation changed everything. Many claimed that it was a happy coincidence that I missed the flight. Is it even right to say that I missed the flight?.......

At last my eyes were forced to meet with his eyes. It was my second time meeting him, the person I am getting married to, Yoshida Naoki. I was unable to smile. To be honest I don't know if I would have smiled even if I wanted to. Smiling seemed to be a thing of my distant past. A distant past in which I am now trapped, Unable to free myself. The thing is i don't want to be freed from it.

I starred at his expressionless face and he stared back at mine. I remember the first time we met. It was at our Yuinou (engagement party). Traditionally, during a Japanese engagement, the couple exchange 9 objects said to be lucky to ensure a happy married life. But during our engagement the only thing that was exchanged was money. An engagement is supposed to finalize the promise of marriage between a couple, but the only promise that was finalized was the Kyoto shopping complex project.

It was my father's dream project but in order to carry it out he needs the help of help of the Yoshida Group, a business group in Kyoto. The only way my father could think of to seal the deal was through this wedding. 

As a result I am now getting married to Naoki the only son of the Yoshida family. 

My wedding was supposed to be different. The way I imagined it, I was supposed to get married to someone else. That someone..... Thinking about that someone made my eyes overflow with tears. 

If only I was a bit more brave. If only I was a bit more true to myself......

But now I have no reason to be brave. I have no reason to be true to myself. The only reason I had to want something, expect something or to smile exploded with that Plane that night.............

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