(Ranmaru's side)
At some point it hit him. Some point, he wasn't really sure when, but it slowly crept up on him till it was smacking him in the face..at some point. Sitting there one night he dropped his face to his hands. “Ah fuck…” Words muttered out of his mouth as he suddenly felt like he was doomed. Because after all he couldn't ever admit to something like this. Not to someone who seemed to be every night with a different girl. A downside to nights sitting home alone, thoughts raced through his head. When though? When exactly did that clown weed his way into his heart? It didn't matter either way. It would end up being yet another thing he kept pushed away for obvious reasons. Another thing to set to the back burner and move along. He had done it plenty of times so he was used to it after all. He thought back to all the times they hung out, in and out of work, and all the times he annoyed the shit out of him. It was actually rather confusing to him. Though thinking about it more he realized he actually over time looked forward to heading to work. He looked forward to working with the small group formed by Shining. They weren't really his style and he really had no desire when it was started to work with a group. Shrugging it off, it was extra money after all. He’d had enough problems with groups to where he was happy working with the only group that had no choice really but to stick with him. He didn't even really look at them as friends, just that. A group. All under the same label and all there for whatever reasons. He hesitated at first having them assigned to him but eventually gave in figuring he had no choice if he wanted to do what he needed to do. For the longest time he pulled himself out, out of the whole idea of this Quartet Night. Kept himself from doing anything with them unless told to, only showing up for the fact that he’d get paid and he couldn't really risk that now and he had the worry of paying his family's debt off. There was always someone..someone pulling him back in with their encouragement in whatever form it came in. A certain brunet who was always at his side every time he turned around. It was almost as if Reiji sensed the fact that he needed someone to look after him. At the same time he himself also sensed the same thing. Though he couldn't pin why really since the hyperactive elder of them always had a smile on his face. Maybe it was the fact that he had dealt with fake smiles since the time he was little. Always seeing them. As a child is generally intuitive to that kind of stuff he always sensed it. He always picked up on the fact that he only got attention and hugs while at public affairs though he never mentioned the fact and enjoyed it when he got them. Which is why he never had any issues hanging out with him. He had also learned from different situations growing up that everyone had their own way of asking for help. Even if it wasn't blunt or asked for and if it wasn't paid attention too it could end up for the worse. He watched it a million times but it never clicked till later. Going along with it, he would be there every time he was asked to do something after work and in the end he needed it just as much no matter what they did. He was always looking for distraction even if it was never said. He had to keep up his lone wolf off put after all. Going out for drinks, playing video games at each others' places or simply just hanging out with drinks and talking about work. It ended up ..all of it, being a nice comfort. A small way of keeping his faith. Each time, whether in the morning when they’d leave each others' places for work or at night when they’d separate depending..eventually there was something pulling at him. Over time, he found himself over at Reiji’s more and more. Just looking to hang out with him or having him to talk to. It was always a comforting atmosphere since they generally did enjoy each others' company. It would seem Reiji was doing the same since there would be days he’d hear a knock on the door and would open it to the brunet’s face. Often times, it would be late at night though and when the seemingly happy go lucky guy would step in. He could smell the perfume all over. Again, at a point in time he realized he started to hate the smell of perfume but not sure why at the time. It got to where he dreaded opening the door late at night because he knew the smell would make it’s way through his nose. Though, something always pulled at him to open the door regardless. Small talk would pass the downing feeling. Sometimes Reiji would crawl in his bed and he’d just roll over and bury his face or ask him to go to the couch. A few time he remembered waking up to legs thrown over him or vice-verse and not really knowing how to handle it. He’d wake up kicking them apart and rolling over grumbling or simply getting out of the bed even if his face was lit up and he could feel it. He thought back to the few times he was sitting at home at night and got that sinking feeling in his chest. It happened from time to time. Just nights where he’d have things and thoughts pile up on him and he had no way to let it out besides turning to the bottles of alcohol that sat on his fridge. Fighting to hold back tears since he was always told it was a weak thing to do. Looking to talk to someone just to distract himself and the only face that would pop in his head would be the one person who annoyed him the most but yet seemingly the only person who would understand him and the one person who was there all along whether he liked it or not. He would grab his phone, stare at it and eventually drop it to the side deciding against figuring he was busy with some girl and wouldn't wanna talk anyways and eventually plugging his earphones in and rolling over to sleep. Again..at some point he realized the smile that would grace the brunet’s face was all he would need to push him through a day sometimes. Shaking it off, he’d carry on and would eventually be reminded why he was annoyed at him all the time. Yet there was days that Reiji wasn't at work or seemed to have his own things on his mind that even he seemed distanced. It was those days he’d end up going home feeling empty. Maybe it was those days that he was slowly slapped across the face. That’s what it would feel like anyways when he’d make his way home to either have a night of sitting there pulling out his bass or if he was lucky be distracted by his own band mates wanting to hang out. That was always some sort of relief until they’d go into talking about their nights out with various females. Then he’d just as usual isolate himself and just be there. They’d poke fun at him in the general male fashion but he’d learned to deal with it by now and block them out and they’d carry on with their conversation leaving him to poke through his phone or at times he’d make an attempt to change the subject to work related things. He hadn't been out with a female in quite some time and had pretty much at this point come to terms with this and had no problem with it as every time he had even attempted it he would just end up feeling uncomfortable and always ready to go home so he would do just that. Make up some excuse to get out of it or end things early only to go home and have a few drinks and curl up and go to sleep. He’d kept himself just that..distanced. He’d dealt with enough, in his mind anyways that he’d rather just keep it like that from everyone. It would seem every time he was around Reiji though his heart was asking to open and he would just shove it to the side. Leaving him that night cursing under his breath and bent over in his hands wondering if here was a way he could ever bring it up.
(Reiji's side)
“Ehhh? You’re gonna leave just like that? I promise this hasn't happened before just give it a min—-“
As a door slam echoed around the moderately furnished hotel room, the brunet stood there with only bed sheets hanging on his hips to save what dignity he left, how many nights had ended like this now? Three… Maybe four?
“Were you only using me for my body?! I thought girls wer—”
The rest of his words died on his lips, there was no way she could even hear him now so throwing his frustrations around would have to wait for the next poor person he would meet. Huffing he let his body fall back onto the mattress with a small bounce on impact, this was his third or fourth attempt to enchant a fan who had so readily offered herself to him but once again he couldn't go through with it. He wondered whether physically there was a problem or maybe something spiritually was wrong with him, he was always so… Skillful before this streak of misses and Reiji just couldn't pin-point what had changed since then… Or that's what he would say to himself. Of course he knew what had changed, he wasn't that naive of his own feels, what had changed was ‘he’ had entered his thoughts.
Ranmaru Kurosaki, a younger artist who had been persuaded. like Reiji had, by Shining to join this little expert group he was forming, at first he didn’t think anything of the star, sure he was attractive and reacted so cutely to his pranks but so had other people in the past, no, what made him special to the elder idol was how truthful his emotions were.
“Hmm…”
Making a little dissatisfied grunt, Reiji hated how just a little flicker of Ranmaru’s cute expression running through his mind could send a spark down his spine when a voluptuous woman spread on a bed couldn't achieve anything close. There was definitely something wrong with him.
Sitting up he moved to rest his back against the headboard of the bed and looked down at his waist covered in the sheets.
“A bit late there…”
Sighing, he gave up resisting and sent a hand down to palm himself gently. He wasn't used to being attracted to men, he could say some guys he knew were good-looking but well… Saying he was having a hard time accepting his new found sexuality wouldn't even be the half of it. As he continued to stroke himself images of the taller youth popped into his head, being truthful he admired all of Ranmaru, his looks, his morals, his attitude and just how he conducted himself throughout the day, all of it made the brunet content in his presence and when they were away from each other he would long till their meeting.
“Ha… How did it… End up like this?”
His cheeks were now flushed and his breaths short, he knew what was coming and what thoughts had fueled the heat in his stomach. The rocker would probably be repulsed knowing he stirred something like this within Reiji but the brunet couldn't stop now. He remembered the times when the idol would come over for drinks and how he would get flustered when he had had too much. Reiji always wondered whether Ranmaru ever recalled how the clown had stolen a kiss from him when he was in such a vulnerable state, or when he had convinced the other idol into letting Reiji stroke him through his pants. It was a more shameful moment for the elder to admit to but those expressions he saw gave him his most favorite fantasies.
“A-ah.. Ah!”
Letting his head collapse onto the pillow he reached exhaustively to grab a tissue and wipe off his hand while staring up at the ceiling. He had do something about this, his feelings for the rocker had been ignored for months and in the last week his body had punished him for ignoring how much he needed the other man, how much he incomplete without him.
“Maybe… A text?”
Lazy words spilled from his lips as he let himself drift off into slumber with the new resolve he must tell Ranmaru how much he means to him.
