Summer

Chapter 5

Summer

The drive to the hospital was tense, Ryan was telling me about Dads hospital care and all I could think about was how scared I was. Selfish really my Dad was dying in a bed and I could only think about the resentment I had built up over the years because he didn't want me any more, which wasn't even true. My head was exploding I couldn't contain all these emotions. "Summer... Summer, hey". Ryan took my hand and was eyeing me up looking a little worried. "You look like your about to hurl" Oh god I'm going be sick. "Just breath Summer, it's going to be ok. I can't imagine what your feeling right now but I'm right here for you. Iv got you". " My.... my.... It's just a lot to take in"' I grip my hand into fists". "I know Sum for me too but we will get through this together as a family" he always knew how to make me feel better, I'm glad that hasn't changed. Ryan jumps out the car and comes round to help me out, his arms surround me and together we make away towards our Dad. " I have got you Summer, always will". We walk hand in hand through the big grey doors and the first thing that attacks my senses is the smell. I'm on the other side of the world and the hospital smells the same as every other, sterile, cold, like death. My heart beats faster if that's even possible. " I just want to prepare you, dads lost a lot of weight. The cancer just seems to be eating him away. He also hallucinates a lot so don't be surprised if he's not making sense" I give him a quick nod. He takes me up to the 3rd floor where the cancer department is located and we walk past doors with only  numbers to identify the patient in each room. Ryan stop in front of room 64 which has quickly become my least favourite number.  He squeeze me hand to reassure me that he's here with me "Ok, you ready Summer? I can give you 5 minutes if you want to go in on your own" I grip is hand in a death grip, " No please I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I need you" oh wow that slipped out, God knows how needy I sound, but it true I need him now more then ever. I peer up at him and he wraps me in to his arms again. Man I feel so safe when he does that. " I got you" he takes my hand and opens the doors and pulls me in after him. The first thing I notice is the constant beeping noise followed by all the tubes and screens that have readings on that I don't understand, the flashing makes them stand out. In the centre of all that Chaos is a small frail man that bears no resemblance to my father. His skin is grey with deep purple circles under his closed eyes which makes it look likes he's been 2 rounds with Mike Tyson. He has short hair on his head and a day's stubble on his face, although he looks vacant behind his eyes he is clearly well looked after and groomed each day, my guess would be that Nate still shaves his face. His chest is ever so slightly moving up and down. I wasn't expecting it to be this bad, or to hurt this much. My chest is actually burning and I think I can actually feel my heart cracking. I let out an involuntary sob and quickly cover my mouth. I can feel Ryan holding my shoulders and pulling me into his arms where as quietly as I can I let the dam break and cry for my father, the father I missed time with. I don't even know him, what his voice sounds like is a distant memory, I don't know his likes and dislike and it hurts to know he may never get the chance to tell me everything about him. After what feels like an eternity Ryan helps me into the chair next to Dads bed, he pulls over another chair and sits right next to me stroking my hair. " I'm so sorry Summer, I can only imagine how hard this is for you." I take my dads hand which is warm but feels frail and weak, these aren't the hand I remember. " Dads hands were always so strong and had calluses under his fingers, he had work hand, kind hands. These hands they don't feel like his" " Summer" my name sounds like a puff of air, I look up and see my dads beautiful blue eyes staring back. Knowing that those eyes are the exact same as mine makes me feel closer to this man then holding his limp hand, because know I feel like I'm looking at my Dad. I feel relief that I instantly feel connected to him. " Yes, Dad I'm right here, can you feel me" I squeeze his hand. His voice is so quiet that I have to lean closer to hear him. " Your here" he puffs. He tries to get up, not very well but I can tell he's straining his body to try and get to me. " It's ok dad I'm here" I quickly lean over to help him back down and hold his slim body in my arms. "I'm so sorry Daddy, I'm sorry for not being here." I decide not to elaborate it will only hurt him if he realises I was taken away from him. "I have missed you so much". I can feel him turn his hand over and take my hand in his, I think he squeezes my hand but I can't really tell because he's so weak. " My beautiful little girl, my child I have missed you". His eyes tell me how much he really means that and he smiles softly at me, his eyes glance over to Ryan, and his face relaxes some more. " Ryan" Ryan tenses up beside me. " Dad, you remember" Ryan voice wavers, he's trying so hard to be strong. " I love you both so much, my kind strong children. The best thing I ever did was bringing you both in to the world." I can here Ryan swallow hard and I feel my cheeks getting damp. He blinks slowly and when he looks around it's like he's switched off, he starts mumbling and making grunting noises. Me and Ryan sit in silence for a while just watching the man that raised us, Ryan's head is probably going a million miles an hour like mine. He sounded so shocked when dad recognised him. I hear Dad murmur my name said a few times along with Nate and our mums. After giving his hand a final squeeze and kissing his cheek I stand up. " Do you mind if we go and get some air" I gasp not meeting Ryan's eyes. " Come on we should probably let him get some rest that's the most sense he's spoke in a long time he'll be tired." We make our way outside and Ryan leads me over to a bench by the car park. " I can't believe he recognised us. I can't believe he recognised me. I have wanted him to see me for so long and he hasn't, just looks through me only saying your name asking for you but he actually looked me in the eye and saw me." I take his hand "you did that Summer you brought him back, may have only been a couple minutes but you brought him back and I'll never forget that ." A tear slides down his cheek. " I didn't do anything Ry, you got me over here you found me, you brought me to him" I grip his hand "You gave him back to me, I get to have a new memory with Dad because of you and that's something that will be with me forever". We hold each other in the car park and let the tears fall for the family we were and the family we still could be. We cry for the years we missed out on and for the beautiful soul that is our dad.

We head back to Ryan's house talking about some of our memories and Ryan fills me in on a little of what he's being doing the past 13 years. So far I have found out that Ryan and Nate have their own business running a law firm. They are pretty big lawyers round here and are incredibly successful, they did pretty well for themselves and I'm incredibly proud. I found out that Ryan hasn't had a girlfriend for over a year as its just to hard juggling a work schedule and holding down a good relationship. He didn't mention Nate again other then to tell me that Kate and him were still really close and that she was married with a child and worked part time as a nurse. We arrived back and Ryan said he had a few phone calls to make, so I thought I'd go and have lie down see if I could catch up on the hours of sleep I missed last night. I dove on to my bed and let the past 24 hours sink in, it had been a whirlwind but I was so happy I was here in my bed in my old room that hadn't changed. I felt safe and managed to drift off into a deep sleep.