The One Night Stand

Four

People forget. They forget birthdays and anniversaries and other important dates they are supposed to remember. But numbers aren't the only things that people forget. Events, memories, locations they think very little of can slip out of someone's mind easily. So, people forget. However, one person's carelessness over a memory they think so little of can be a memory someone else holds dearly to. That's what I first thought that night was. A horrific memory I will be forced to remember for the rest of my life.

I'm not sure what exactly I had hoped for going into that party. Maybe my goal was to be drunk enough to finally get enough courage to talk to a guy. Any guy.

But the next morning, waking up to the strong smell of vomit and tequila wavering in an unknown, enclosed space, I had little recollection of what had happened. Whether my goal was completed, if a person the opposite sex had noticed me for once in my lifetime.

I hoped and prayed that maybe things can finally change. That maybe when all my friends talk about their significant others I won't have to sit there, nodding my head and smiling as if I understood. And so I hoped. I hoped to understand.

Until I turned around to find my clothes scattered all over the floor, a rubber, or plastic material shaped like a condom lying on one of the end tables. My first thought was I've been raped and used like a toy. But even as I remember that following morning, I had thought of that so calmly, as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. I remember getting up and picking my way through the room to get to the bathroom, where I splashed my face with cold water, bringing the remaining, real memories rushing through my mind.

His lips, so soft and warm, making its way around my body, hungry, starving for love and affection. Or was it simply a desire he had to fulfill?

And now that he's sitting beside me, the boy who had taken advantage of me, the boy who I became furious with after the liquor had been washed away, is now spilling his heart out, asking and begging for a chance  with me. And all I can think is, Yes. Yes, I don't want to be left out anymore. I want to understand my friends when their eyes light up at the mention of a boy's name. I want to feel the butterflies they get when they spend time alone with their "other half." I want to catch the tears of someone I love and give them the comfort they need. And for that reason, for the simple reason to fit in and to understand, a single word leaves my lips.

"Ok."

His lips curl into a smile. For a second, something flashes behind his eyes. Accomplishment? Happiness? Guilt? I erase the thoughts away from my head. I shake away the whispers in my head telling me that nobody can love me. That my whole life I spent alone and invisible, even to my parents, can't be fixed so easily. Instead, I return his crooked smile, my heart filling with hope.