Unsent, Unspoken, yet Understood

Unspoken

Hi

Hey

Howdy

Hi, so how've you been

How are you

I miss you.

Ahh, I wonder how you've been if you've thought about me since everything went astray if you've met anybody new.

Have you been eating well? I know sometimes you wouldn't or didn't, because of stress or because you'd rather skip a meal than go to the gym. I hope you're not trying to do that still. It isn't healthy.

Please eat well. You'll get ill if you don't.

There's so much I want to tell you. There's so much I want to say. I hate that I miss you. I hate it so much. It's over. Why am I even- I was the one who broke it off I shouldn't be this caught up on you still. Ah, and I know I'll never have the courage to send this letter, even I were to cut parts out.

It's probably good thing, though. I don't know what your reaction would be. I don't know if I would want to know what your reaction would be. I don't think I could handle it. I don't think I could...

A lot has changed recently. I moved back to America and got that job promotion I was talking about. I'll be traveling a lot more as a representative of the company. Actually, I got the promotion because of the client we have right now. He's Korean, who would've guessed. He speaks very little English so I was able to be the translator. Oh yah, I never go the chance to surprise you did I...

I've been learning Korean. I'm almost fluent now. I was going to surprise you so that weekend we were supposed to visit your parents again and your siblings were there, you could all speak comfortably. I guess we never really got around to that. I guess the surprise is kinda ruined now.

I guess a lot of surprises have been ruined and guess that is kinda my fault. Sorry about that. I really am sorry about that. I hope you can forgive me.

Love, Thanks, Lots of love, 

Loxy

The distinct sound of paper crinkling echoed against the walls of her otherwise silent bedroom. The room was completely dark except for the small black lamp on her desk illuminating the line paper from her notebook and the purple pen she had been writing with.

Ahh, it was too much really. I was all too much. She thought herself a coward. "A goddamn coward." The harsh words directed towards herself echoing, screaming through her mind. "It was my fault. It was always my fault and yet here I am still refusing to fully admit it."

A fool, a coward, a pest...

She didn't bother to erase fully, only crossing some words out, and never well enough for them to no longer been seen. You needn't even squint to tell what had been written before. It was just a single line right through the middle of the word, showing your desire to no longer say it, but also her hesitation in completely disregarding the thought.

It was poetic in a sort of way. Disgustingly poetic, and disgustingly cruel to bother her and the receiver.

But why bother rewriting or crossing out using more ink. It would only take more time and effort. It wasn't as if were ever going to be a receiver. So, the letter sat in the corner of her desk in an envelope, neatly folded despite how many times she had crinkled the paper and tossed in the waste bin. Wasting money on stamps, yet never leaving the letters in the mail box long enough for the postman to pick them up.

"Pitiful. So dumb, so so dumb, and abhorrently pitiful." She never sent them, yet she always expected a reply.

Sighing again she placed one of the many letter drafts in an envelope and to the side. She stepped outside, the light fall breeze feeling like a breath of fresh air against her skin. It was nearly two in the morning, but the postman didn't come until around three, so you still had time to take yesterday's letter out of the box.

A small creaking noise sounded as you opened the little red box, the small door almost falling off its hinges with just a simple touch, with no force more than a feather falling from the sky.

A look of confusion spread across her features. There was only one letter in the box, but it wasn't hers. It was a small purple envelope with a small heart drawn in the corner opposite of where the stamp should have been.

Her hand shook a bit as she reached inside the box to grasp the envelope. After taking the envelope out quickly she rushed back to her porch.

"Uff-" Two broad hand grasped her shoulders, steadying her after she stumbled a bit running into him. It was him. It was him. Lucien.

"How did he find me? Why... why was he here? Why was he here now of all tim-"

"Hi. Hey. Howdy. I miss you too, terribly so. I have been thinking about you, too much so. I've been looking for you, but you changed your number and never gave me your new address... How cruel, how self destructive, how cruel and destructive to me as well." You tried to look away. Even though it was dark the small lamp on your porch was lit, illuminating the two of your faces just enough. Moving his hands from your shoulders to your cheeks, he forced you to look at him.

"I have been eating well, despite what you might think. I knew it would break your heart if I didn't. I did know about your move and I did know about your promotion. I've talked to your mother. She says you've been busy. She says you haven't been eating well. Please eat well, even if you don't want to eat, even if you think you're not hungry. Please...나는 너에게 간청하다.

...you'll get ill if you don't..."