I watched from a distance as I sat on the bleachers of my old high-school football field. Most of the field was filled with boys, playing football. And of course in the tiny corner, meant for the cheerleaders we never had. And stood there were the girls. They were tough, strong and aggravated. Especially their coach. She ran up to the football coach. I couldn't make out a word they said. It was all a blur. The girls wanted to practice wrestling, but the space was laughable.
Tiny space where no person could even bend over. That team overpowered us more everyday. I sat and watched like a helpless toddler. I didn't even go to this school anymore. I was supposedly an "independent" adult! But look at me, wishing the past was the present. Why was I imagining an alternate universe where I stood up for equality? Where I stood up for myself and others? In what world could that be possible? Us getting a spot on that wretched field.
I use to go to that school. With that football field. I became helpless there, self conscious, and no confidence. Most of all scared. I lost a battle where I didn't even have the strength to pick up my sword. I lost. Mentally and physically. I use to be that girl waiting for those boys to move their sweaty butts over. But that was a long time ago. Now that field is empty. With no women to fill it, only young boys praying for the day they become men.
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I sat on the south side of the football field. Muggy, and cloudy. I looked down at the field, I thought about how unfair it was that that whole stinking space was for white jocks, their girlfriends, their fans, and their rich white families. Yup, uncool. Why couldn't I be there? I could be down there, showing off my epic dribbling skills, my lightning fast feet, and of course my goals. But, I was just another poor, stupid latin, and as skinny as a pencil. Everyone thought that I should have been the genius nerd in the corner that could never afford college. And not only was that a stupid superstition, it was actually wrong. First of all I haven't gotten an A since, like 3rd grade. Yup, all there is on my report cards are C+, or worse.
Anyway... I saw a woman on the other side, just sitting down on the blinding silver bleachers. She looked about 20 years old, and crying for a while, runny nose, red eyes, the whole deal. She was also in a wheelchair. Probably physically disabled. But she was buff. Thick arms with bulging muscles, but not soccer legs, the rock solid calves that I have. Just a ripped core and arms. I know it's weird that the first thing I notice in a person is their strength. Eh, its an athlete thing. This woman kinda looked like me, which was interesting. She was darkish, and had thick curly hair, whereas mine was as straight as a ruler.
But the moment I saw her I knew she was an athlete. I could tell, and it wasn't the muscles that gave it away. I dunno. The thing was, truthfully, i was kinda scared of her. She looked depressed and trust me I didn't need that in my life. But I watched her anyway, only for the half an hour that felt like days and days. The rain started to fall from the 6pm suburban sky. She wheeled around and left. I wondered if she would be there again...the mystery woman. Ha! It's like a murder mystery. Spooky...
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Once the rain came, like it does every night of April, I left. I had to leave. I felt that girl lurking in my soul. Just a young high-schooler staring at me. I don't know what she thought. She probably was looking at what she thought was a mental retard that was too depressed to go anywhere... Maybe not. I went home. I sat in bed realizing how much I could have prevented myself from getting into what I did. How I could have protected myself and the others. Then I had a dream.
It was just another day as me, but in high school wrestling champion. I was always winning, no girl, my age, or older, black, white, or whatever. No one in the whole school could beat me. But everything stopped in my senior year. I couldn't go any further.
