Too much self hate
Shes overwhelmed with scars
Scars, invisible to all.
They're hidden somewhere inside.
Deep where no one can reach.
The scars that never heal,
Scars that have stained you with sadness,
Permanently.
She hides these pains quite easily,
People believe anything.
A quick smile, a giggle, a tear of "happiness"runs down her cheek.
But look into her eyes,
Past the artificial smile she plasters on her face.
A giggle, or a scream?
If you took the chance to see what she hides buried deep behind the lies she tells everyday.
If only you truly knew.
Look closer.
Do you see it?
The sorrow in her eyes?
Stare a little deeper,
Behind the sorrow lies hell,
Cutting deeper and deeper into her soul.
Nobody bothers to stare deep enough
Not even to the sorrow,
They've been too phased by smile that she has fused onto her face.
For shes pulling off the greatest magic trick of all, everyday.
Of course, this trick couldn't last
Forever right?
Besides, nothing ever lasts.
She stripped off the smile,
Sat on her bed,
She lowers her body down onto the mattress, inviting her in.
Every muscle aching, distressed.
Her thighs exposed sitting in the dark.
Alone.
A blade, being tossed and felt
In the palm of her hand.
On her thighs, lay words.
The ones she has taught herself to believe.
And this is where it begins,
She drops the smile,
The light in her eyes fills with darkness. Her giggle becomes and agonizing cry. It begins with the one tear, that one soon becomes a stream of salty tears and black stains on her pillows and cheeks.
The puddle on her pillow, hurricane in her mind, breath staggered, gasping for the air she doesn't want.
One drop after another, tormented by her own thoughts, her biggest nightmare, herself
The one nightmare where she cant wake up.
