There is always tomorrow || Yuri On Ice || Viktuuri

Part 1 - I don't want to leave you (Yuuri)

I have never thought much about time going by. Days, weeks, months - I was always too busy to notice them passing. And why would it have been any different? My training kept me on my toes and helped me to deal with many things in my life, mainly my anxiety. When I felt fear gripping me, nothing would help better than getting lost in my training routine. I knew I only had mediocre talent and sometimes I still can't believe how far I have come. Of course I would have never won any medal without his, Viktor's, help.
Up to this day I wonder what he saw in me back then to risk his whole career to coach me. I have asked him many times but his answers don't make much sense to me. It was when Viktor became an active part in my life, rather than just a person I admired, that time took on a new meaning for me. I felt like the time I had with him was so limited that I didn't even consider his take on the matter.

'Viktor will leave me in a few months' time' – that's what was constantly on my mind. And while I dreaded every second that brought his leaving closer, I was also more happy than I had ever been in my life. What did it matter if he left in the future? He was with me now and maybe, just maybe, we could spend time together after I had retired. I had all the time in the world and I needed a new perspective for my life anyway.
It never crossed my mind that he would actually want to stay with me, that I had changed his life just as much as he had changed mine. I only realized it when I was about to push him away from me in Barcelona. I had made up my mind to retire so that Viktor could return to being a competitive skater, instead of wasting his time as my coach. But when I looked up to meet his gaze, he was crying.
I sometimes smile thinking of this. Never did it cross my mind that Viktor Nikiforov would cry because I am telling him that he can stop babysitting me and go back to his career. It completely took me by surprise and my heart aches while I smile remembering this moment, the moment that changed everything for me.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I open my eyes and turn my head. I am not surprised that I am not alone in the room. At window that lets me see the cherry trees in front of our house, Viktor is standing with a half peeled apple in his hand. He turns around and smiles, stepping closer to the bed, wiping some tears off my cheek with a gentle touch.

"Did you have a sad dream again?"

He asks while trying to sound cheerful so I don't notice the tears that are still visible in the corners of his eyes. I shake my head and manage to smile a little.

"I was dreaming about our time in Barcelona for the Grand Prix and how you cried when I told you to leave me behind."

He steps closer, a hint of pain visible on his face. Grabbing a chair that has been placed near the bed, he sits down and takes my hand, squeezing it gently.

"I still can't believe you thought you would be in my way after everything that had happened. I just wanted to grab and shake you so you come to your senses...."

He shakes his head, fighting with his emotions. It's been like that every day for the past months. He tries his best not to let me see in how much pain he is. It makes me want to scream at him that he should have left me behind back then. I am sure his life would be happier now if I hadn't given him that ring and asked him to stay with me in the end.

My eyes wander to his right hand where he is still wearing the golden ring I put on his finger in Barcelona, chaining him to me. My own ring is lying on the night stand next to me as my fingers have gotten too thin for it to stay on. I reach out and take it in my hands, squeezing it tightly.

No, don't cry...don't cry Yuuri.

I take a deep breath, my fingers shaking as I keep the ring clenched between my fingers. It had been intended as a good Luck charm and so much more and yet, all it has brought him is misery. I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes and I hurry to wipe them away before they can run down my cheeks.