Love is hard.

The World Is Cruel

I've been laying in bed for quite some time now. Thinking about my past and what happened. My clothes are soaked in blood from my arms. The blade still in my hand begging for more flesh to rip. I can't stop thinking about it. I'll always remember that it was my fault. My fault for the love of my life dying.
(The past)
I woke up unable to move. There was blood everywhere and sirens were going off like crazy. I didn't understand what happened. I tried moving an inch of my body but that was worthless. Pain was then shooting everywhere in my body. My eyes were very heavy but I realized I was in my car. I tried turning my head to look at the passenger seat but it was pointless. Everything on my body hurt like hell. I could see from a small distance that another car was busted up. Fear started taking over as my mind started to process my surroundings. I tried and tried again to move my head to the passenger seat. I wasn't sure if I was even ready to look but I tried one last time. Head pounding I saw a horrific scene in front of me. Blood was everywhere. He didn't even look recognizable but I knew it was him. Felix was dead! The love of my life was gone! I didn't even realize that I was holding on to him. My tears mixed with the crimson color of red. I was screaming and freaking out at this point. Then someone tried to pry me off of Felix.
" Sir you need to let go!" Said some man
" No!" I said but it barely came out as a whisper.
They eventually pried me off of the dead corpse that was once my living boyfriend. The people laid me down on the snow. It didn't feel cold at all. I tried thinking of how this happened to began with. Then it smacked me right in the face. We were at a school party and both of us were drunk. Felix wanted to go home so I said I'd take him. He was quite hesitant about letting me drive when I was wasted. I told him it'd be fine so he ended up saying okay. My boyfriend trusted me and I killed him. He was dead and it was my fault. My tears came back and I didn't even bother to move at all. I laid there limb in the snow.
(Back to the present)
It's been a year since the accident happened. I've completely fallen into a deep black hole. I've been cutting for a long time. If it wasn't cutting it was burning my flesh. My left arm full of scars from my blade to the point there was barely any clean skin left. My right arm had the burns and some scratches for it's easier to cut with my right hand. It was a month after the accident when I started my self-destruction. I didn't use blades yet just my nails. I would run back and forth to peel my skin since me nails were long. I couldn't stop because it felt so good having a feeling other then sadness. It also helped because I could control my pain. One time I rubbed to much that I started bleeding. It felt so good to bleed. After that I bought blades and couldn't stop myself. I'd wake up everyday with regret then I'd take a shower. Every time I took a shower my cuts burned and I liked it. People asked why I had some scratches and I'd say my cat got me and they'd believe it. Once I had to many scratches to use that excuse I started wearing sweatshirts. No matter where I'd go I have long sleeves on. My mother doesn't even know neither does my sister. Ever since our best friend died because of me we grew apart. Sam was my twin sister and yet she felt like a stranger. I sat up bringing the blade I had to my left arm and gave myself multiple scratches. I then picked up my rag full of blood and let more blood soak into it. Rinse and repeat I told myself every time I cut. My mother and sister never came into my room because they knew I liked my privacy. My room was messy. Bloody blades scattered everywhere on the floor. Blood filled rags near the bathroom. My sheets had blood stains. My sleeping pills on the night stand. No one ever realized my sadness and how little I ate. I was no fragile and weak not even close to being athletic like fat from it. After a couple hours it was pitch black outside and ready for bed. Monday was the first day of senior year and I wasn't ready.

Notes:
This is my first time writing a story on this app! If you made it this far then thank you so so very much! I hope you liked it! I'll make the chapters much more longer but I was so excited to publish already! Hope ya'll have a great day bye!
(P.s I'm going to do more notes like these and summary's in the beginning.)