i.
you're fifteen and everything is simple, or at least you wish it could be. because once every month your family transforms into a beast you know one day you will become, but something that you can't bring yourself to be because that means taking someone's life and you don't believe you are capable of that. sometimes it feels like you are being crushed under the pressure of your mother to become what you were meant to be, but if it means an innocent person lives a little while longer, it is a burden you are willing to bear.
the rage builds up inside of you like a dam preparing to overflow but you keep it concealed because you know that if you let it out, the possibility of you triggering the curse becomes even more likely. the term "curse" becomes more accurate every day because you do not want this. you want to be blair- just blair, who only has to worry about making sure the raven insignia is visible in the front corner of her uniform and making sure her precalculus homework is done right. you do not want to be blair hale, werewolf royalty, daughter of talia hale. you just want to be normal.
as the snow begins to melt off of the branches in virginia, spring break grows closer every day and you couldn't be more excited because it is a whole week away from the crushing pressure of being a hale, a week on the lake where you can be a teenager and laugh with your friends. that was all you wanted. and when your best friend steals a bottle of peach schnapps from the liquor cabinet of her parents lake house, you go with it because that's what teenagers do- they are reckless and fun and carefree, so you knock back more than you should without a second thought, and do not hesitate to jump on board the boat tied to the dock and gladly agree when she asks you if you want to drive. you do not see the boy on the water skies until it is too late and something lurches inside of you. power pulses through your veins and something feels different because you are different and the curse does not care if the death is intentional or accidental, it is a death none the less, and so you become the very thing you dread.
the pain of your first transformation is unlike anything you have ever felt and you can barely manage to breathe in between your sobs and the gulps of wolfsbane your mother insists you drink that make you feel like your insides are on fire while every bone in your body is breaking. all you can do is scream because this is not what you wanted and you would do anything to change it.
ii.
you are barely sixteen years old and you wake up to the smell of smoke and suddenly you realize that you are no longer in your bed, you are lying on the forest floor instead and you don't even have time to wonder how you got there because you see the flames.
everything stops.
the next thing you see are flashing red and blue lights and you do not hear the sirens because all you hear is static. you prefer the static over your family screaming as they burn. an officer is standing in front of you and you can see him mouthing words but all you hear is static. they take you to the police station and the plastic chair in the interrogation room hurts your back but you don't dare complain because you can almost hear your mother scolding you for complaining ("you are a hale. suck it up.") the officer asking you questions wears a name tag that reads stilinski and he seems nice- he brings you a blanket and offers you water and tells you he is sorry for your loss, but the apology seems less sincere as soon as he starts asking questions. you want to scream at the top of your lungs that no, you don't know how the fire started and no, you don't know why you were the only one who got out and no, you did not do this but instead you keep silent and answer his questions in short simple, sentences and in a flat voice that you know makes you look guilty because you remember watching an episode of criminal minds with derek where the detectives mention that one of the first signs of a sociopath is lack of emotion but if you start crying you will not stop so instead you feel nothing at all.
