Trigger warning for self harm and mentions of cutting and attempting suicide.
Will
I knocked on Nico's door, he didn't usually wake up in time for breakfast. There was no response so I tried the handle, unlocked.
He wasn't inside of his cabin, though his bed was unmade and there were clothes on the floor. I left and closed the door behind me.
Maybe he was already eating?
I shoved my hands in my pockets and went back to the dining pavilion, I scanned around. Nico was sitting alone at the Hades table.
I jogged over and he stood up, walking away and scraping his untouched food into the fire. I called his name, no response.
I decided that he was just tired and not paying attention so I called out again, this time I caught his eye meeting mine. He noticed me and headed away.
As I followed after him I noticed he had stopped wearing the camp shirt and had dawned a new jacket, one that had two white stripes on each sleeve.
"Nico don't you hear me?" I asked, grabbing the attention of a few people passing by us.
He looked back, his eyes were cold and sent shivers down my spine.
"Go away Solace," he muttered, silently stepping into the shadows and disappearing.
I sighed and went back to breakfast, my plate had a pancake on it with bacon and syrup. I could barely eat because of my anxiety, Nico hadn't ever acted like that towards me.
A week later I saw Nico again, sitting on Halfblood Hill and staring up at the sky. It was sunset and yet he showed no sign of planning on moving.
"Neeks," I called out.
His head turned to me and he instantly disappeared.
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, I missed him. He was my friend, I'd even consider him my best friend, and my crush. I wanted to be close to him, to talk, to just hang out. I had barely slept because I was so worried for him, worried he might be in pain or angry, maybe lonely.
What if he hated me?
I went back to my cabin before dark, Kayla and Austin were both still at the infirmary, I was alone in the large building.
I grabbed a pair of pajamas and headed to the shower. Maybe then I could clear my head.
What if he never really even wanted to be my friend?
What if I was only a burden to him?
I took my clothes off and got into the shower, the warm water running down my back.
He hated me from the beginning.
My fists were balled as I tilted my head into the stream of water.
He never cared, he only pitted me.
Breathing was getting difficult, I grabbed the shampoo and shakily scrubbed it into my scalp, then washing it out.
I dropped my fist against my leg and tracing the scars that were barely there, reminding myself of what I used to do when I was younger.
I promised myself I wouldn't do it again, the scars had only just started to fade. Doing it again would set me back so far again.
On the other hand I did deserve it. If someone so sweet and caring like Nico could hate me, was I really worth saving?
I put the conditioner in my hair, remembering when Nico seemed so happy to run his hands through it, was that fake?
