•imagines•

Cameron - Breathe Me

NOTE: This is NOT my work. I found it on Tumblr and I love it too much. The author is @Fire-red-hair on Tumblr

*TRIGGER WARNING!!!! DEPRESSION, SELF HARM*

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
–
I sit in my shared bathroom, looking into the mirror, a twisted state of reality I am living in. I see a girl that no one cares about anymore. I see a girl who is not pretty, not deserving of a husband, ugly. I see stretch marks on my arms and hips and chest. I see scars on my wrists and blemishes on my skin.
I take my razor and glide it across my skin. I cry, 35 days clean I was. 35 that is now zero. I slump to the floor, leaning my arms on my putrid knees, and putting my ugly face in my wretched hands. I cry deep, body shaking sobs. I want to scream in anger with myself. I think about how my life is wrong, nothing going right for me. I've done everything to be happy and yet I still end up here, alone.

Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
–
CAMERON'S POV
I come home from a long day of modeling and meetings, and I set my stuff down by the back door to the cozy town home Y/N and I share. I look around for her, and I don't see her.
"Y/N? I'm home!" I shout. I don't hear anything. I wonder if she's sleeping. I walk up the stairs and into our bedroom. Seeing the bathroom door closed. I hear little sobs from behind the door.
No. I walk to the door and turn the handle. It's locked.
"Y/N baby it's me, let me in!" I cry, desperately. She's the most beautiful girl in the world, even her mind, however twisted it is. She stops sobbing, but the door doesn't open. "Baby, please. I'm here, I'm right here with open arms. Just open the door." I am almost crying. Her and I both have depression. I hear her turn the sink on and hiss as the water runs over what is probably a fresh set of cuts. She opens the drawer and puts her razor away. I've been through this many times with her. She starts crying again, really loud hysterical sobs, and I feel like I'm watching someone die from behind a glass window, trapped and unable to help. I suddenly feel scared, and sad too. "Y/N, please," my voice cracks, damnit I have to be strong.
I run down stairs and grab a screw driver so I can unlock the door from the outside. I come back up and stick it in the lock, unlocking the door and opening it up to see my baby. She is sitting in a ball, still sobbing.
"Oh, baby." I say softly, feeling a tear slip down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly and pick her shaking body up, laying her in our bed. I close the blinds, and I put the covers over her. I walk around the bed and get in it next to her. Leaning against the headboard. I pull her into my chest, kissing her head and shoulder. "I'm here baby. I'm here." I try to comfort her. She finally talks, her voice soft and rough.
"Cam, what's wrong with me? Why do I do everything to be happy, yet feel sad all the time?" I understand her pain. I feel it too, just not as bad as she does.
"God has a plan for you and me, he makes it tough but it makes us strong. We just gotta hold on darling." I say, speaking from my heart.
–
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
–
Y/N'S POV
I hear crying in our house, a usual occurrence in or house, sadly. I run upstairs to Cameron, Lord knows what's wrong now. I open our room door and see him with his hands pressed against the window, looking at the pouring rain outside. I stand in the doorway for a second, watching him. He bows his head, and then sits down, leaning against our bed. Still facing the window. He sniffles, and leans his head back a pained expression on his face. I walk over to him, and sit on the ground by him.
–
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
–
I wrap my arms around him, kissing his cheek that is wet with tears. He looks over at me.
"Damnit..." He says, I cut him off.
"Shhh, it's ok baby," I say and hug him tighter. He stretches his legs out, and I grab his wrists, pulling the sleeves of his sweatshirt up, checking for fresh cuts. He winces, I know he hates when I see his scars. To my relief, there are no fresh cuts. I climb onto his waist, straddling him. I look in his brown eyes, and see a longing for happiness. He rubs his hands up and down my sides, needing something to hold on to. I kiss as many tears away as I can, as they slow down. He wraps his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck.
"I hate being sad." He whispers.
"Don't worry Cam, someday we will be happy."

A/u
Is this not amazing? It's so sad but I literally cried myself to sleep after I read this the first time.
Have y'all watched Chasing Cameron yet?
If so comment your favorite episode!
Love you,
~Emma Darling