My name is Eleanor Cloud, I'm 22 years old and I'm overweight.
I decided to write this book about me, because I can't handle anymore anybody. I feel suffocated. I have so much stress unrelease, that I could explode in any moment. If a doctor sees me, he would certainly diagnose me with depression, anxiety, stress and panic attacks. But every teenager or young adult can have that.
I spend more then five years withdraw into myself, spending all my free time in my room: watching movie or series tv, drawing on my walls, listening to music, trying to be relaxed. Nobody ever force me to stay at home, but I didn't felt enough safe and had even a little bit of confidence to go out, be part of a group and have fun with my friends outside of school.
Since I can remenber I never felt beautiful. Never like my body enough to put a bikini on or going out with a skirt or a dress.
It's not like, I don't have skirts or dresses or high heel in my wardrobe, It just always been like this. Actually my mom still buy me, dresses, skirts, nice shirts, but since I was at elementary my clothings style was base on blue jeans, t-shirt with a color range between (grey, brown, black and green). My make up was nothing, until second year of high school, were my friends introduct me to the make up world. But it didn't change almost nothing, I just wore foundation to cover up my bags under my eyes and lot's of pimples. I still wore braces and glasses since I was twelve years old.
When I start high school I was four feet high, I wore braces and I had big glasses, because I'm a myopic person. I almost looked like a rectangular. You should have seen the magestic group of people that my class was made with. Such an diverse group of girls and boys put in a room to learn about life, history and art. Yes, I attend in a artistic high school and that was one of my best decision ever made.
As you can imagine high school, for a teenager, is the first important choice that a kid has to do in his life. But hormones are unpredictable and when your body start to change, nobody can know how you will transform and became a woman or a man.
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Life is full of choices, bad and good ones, but to find happiness you need to trust you guts and yourself.
Let's just say that my choices weren't the best one, but I didn't have any idea that my sick body was conditioning my mind as well as my personality.
