we were a song, but i lost the lyrics - Viktuuri

we were a song, but i lost the lyrics

it used to be kind of funny.

i remember the first time i did it.

we were both standing in the rink, and he was rambling about something I didn't pay attention to. that was when i placed my finger right where his grey, silky hair split down the side.

i had started to panic because i thought he would find me weird for doing something so strange. i was comforted later that day, however, as he told me that what i did was quirky and he kind of liked it.

for the following years, it was a joke that i would pull from my sleeves at random moments. it sometimes even evolved into tying his hair during the night and taking a picture of his reaction. it slowly became harder to tie his hair without waking him up, especially since he started growing it out again.

i remember when i accidentally discovered something; a kink.

one day, we were having sex and i accidentally gripped at his hair while thrusting into him. i remember the effect it had on him; extreme pleasure and ecstasy. i then learned that he had an extreme liking to that kind of thing.

i remember the time we spent on the ice.

he was always so elegant in the way he performed. his body swayed and moved perfectly, his hair flowing and moving the exact same way. even though we were technically against each other in competitions, behind the scenes, we would work together to plot the perfect routines and to refine our movements.

he always praised me for a certain thing; my stamina. he would say things about how i can practice my routines more times than him without getting out of breath, and that he was jealous.

i'd tell him how there were so many things that he was better at than me. we'd always end up competing with each other to find who had more good qualities.

back then, nobody ever won.

now, as i reflect on it, it was him.

it was him.

because i am such a bad person for not noticing it sooner.

i remember the first time i noticed something was different.

we had just practiced our couple routine for the first time that day, and i went to go and restart the music. as i turned around to look at him to ask if he was ready, he was bent over, one hand on his knee, the other over his mouth. he was having a coughing fit.

i had asked him is he was alright, but he just dismissed it as him getting over a cold.

i nodded, and we proceeded to resuming our practice.

i remember the second time it happened.

since him and i lived in an apartment together, we had to travel a few staircases to reach our home. we just finished going grocery shopping, so we each held equal amounts of bags as we walked up the stairs. i had walked further ahead than him, and when i turned around to ask him if he had the keys, he was halfway down the stairs, heavily breathing.

i went back down to help him with the rest of the bags, and asked him what was the matter. he told me nothing.

i don't know if i just didn't realize it or it suddenly got to an extreme case, but i remember when i almost lost him.