Peppermint Tea and Pippa Soo

Clouds

Listen to the song I've linked above (Both Sides Now, by Joni Mitchell) while reading this chapter

*****

Natalie's POV

A bath sounded nice. I was exhausted and hadn't eaten a lot, neither of which is a good idea.

I found a towel and a bathrobe in the bathroom with a note that said, anything you need is under the sink to use as long as you'd like – Pip.

I hadn't meant to, but tears were suddenly trickling from my eyes. Phillipa was such a mom – and at this point, she was closest I had. I stepped into the bathtub, hoping it would soothe my unease, but something about the bubbles and warm water lapping up against my naked body just made me cry harder. I managed to calm myself down enough to shampoo and rinse off, but I was already feeling the first pangs of homesickness.

I couldn't stop thinking about the intensity of New York City, and stupid things, like the fact that In-N-Out doesn't exist in New York and I couldn't go just hike the Hollywood sign. My brain was in overdrive, overtired and over-stimulated after even a few hours in the city.

I steeled myself and changed into a pair of sweats.

Damn, even those reminded me of my old home. Breathe, slowly, count to ten, Natalie, c'mon, breathe.

Ok. I would be fine tomorrow. I had to be fine.

I found Pippa in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher and humming quietly to "Both Sides Now" as Joni Mitchell crooned in the background.

I thought I had pulled myself together enough to look like a normal human being, but as usual, I was wrong. My eyes and nose were already red, and as soon as I heard Phillipa singing the song my dad used to sing to me, a tear slipped out.

She turned before I had a chance to escape to my room. "Nat?" she questioned, concern heavy in her voice. "You ok?"

I nodded, but my tears betrayed me. Phillipa stepped closer, catching me in a hug at the same moment I lost control and began sobbing again. I clutched her as she rubbed her hand on my back.

"Natalie? What's wrong? Are you sick?" Pippa held her hand against my forehead but shook her head.

She sat me down in a chair and took a moment to hand me a glass of water. She knelt in front of me and waited until I was able to choke out, "My dad used to sing that song," which only brought on a fresh bought of tears.

Seeing the state I was in, Phillipa helped me stand up and make my way to my bed. She opened the curtains, revealing the city lights before leaving.

She was leaving me. My mind was racing. She was leaving me WHILE my mind was racing, and I could only think about how badly I wanted to be home but I couldn't go back and I suddenly missed my friends but they were spread out in across the country in different colleges and holy shit Pippa just left me and I couldn't think straight but was choking on my tears and I couldn't take a deep breath and oh my god I can't breathe–

"Natalie." Phillipa returned and sank into the mattress beside me, setting a cup of tea on the small bedside table. "I need you to count to take a deep breath and count to three. One, two..."

I let out another sob before she reached three, but I could feel my rapid heartbeat begin to subside. "Shhh, one, two..." Pippa continued drawing small circles on my back and counting until the tears had calmed to a small trickle and I muttered, "Sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't apologize. You just moved across the country – and New York City takes adjusting to, no matter where you're from." Pippa paused, a question forming. "How often does this happen?"

"Usually I'm able to keep it more under control but my parents are so connected to this city. I don't know, something just seems more final." My emotions threatened to overtake all rational thought, but I didn't want Pippa to worry about me, so I choked back my tears. "The first night is always the worst. Its really not a big deal, you don't need to worry. "

"You're practically my sister. Of course I'm going to worry about you."

"Its just a little homesickness."

"It doesn't seem like a small thing, Natalie."

"I'm an adult! I can take care of myself."

"Natalie, you're not even 19." Pippa paused, mulling over what to say next. "I know that these past few years have been hard, but you don't have to grow up so fast."

I stared out, my gaze wandering over rooftops, and just shook my head. "I've always dreamt of New York. I mean, I have imagined what would be like to live here since I was ten. Its just...I'll be fine in the morning. Really." The last word was a whisper, caught between silent tears.

I'm sure I looked an absolute mess, with my tear stained cheeks, chapped lips, red-rimmed eyes and pink nose. She looked at me dubiously, but decided not to comment. Instead, she handed me a tissue and tea and sat with me, simply staring out into the New York night and breathing.

"Oh, Natalie." And once again, tears were streaming down my face, a constant reminder. Stupid emotions. I turned away from Pippa and buried my face in a pillow, trying to stuff my tears back in. My shoulders shook as I cried, helpless.

Pippa grabbed my favorite blanket from the end of the bed and tucked the ends around me before lying next to me. She could do nothing except rub my back and sing softly until I exhausted my tears and fell asleep, curled up as tight as I could as if to protect myself from the city.

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life, at all

*****

A/N: Poor Nat. Homesickness sucks – if you've gone through it, you know how it quickly it can just come over you and make you miserable.  Also, my dad used to sing 'Both Sides Now' to me to get me to sleep as a little kid, and then I saw Pippa sing it on Side by Side by Susan Blackwell and my mind just casually exploded.

I spent 4 hours writing future chapters of this story yesterday instead of studying for my English final, which involved teaching second graders how to journal. I mean, I guess this is English?

Vote! Comment! Check out my bio! I'm working on a Spotify playlist for this story. I'll probably put it up in a chapter or so.

K