Hologram

Wish you were here

I sighed forcefully.
It was so hard not to think of him.
Optimus left the day after the battle ended.
I just tried to go on with my life, waiting for him.
But it was so frustrating.
I usually stayed up late hoping he would come from the door and say he was back and every single time, my heart got crushed as nothing happened.
I clenched my fist on the small gem of my necklace. It was a royal blue shard and it looked like it shone of its own light.
Touching it was warm and relaxing, like when I used to listen to Optimus's sparkbeat.
It was Optimus who gave me this cristal before he left and it was the only thing that reminded me everything happened wasn't a dream.
After six months, I stopped waiting till late in the night.
I started opening to the others.
I befriended Ratchet, as he ended up becoming my reference figure.
He had began studying human medicine and it was adorable when he discovered new things. His eyes would light up as he would tell me what he knew.
Of course as a scientist I couldn't refuse listening to him, my curiosity would made me listen for hours.
My house was a kilometer or two out of the little town, at the beginning the desert.
With the help of Hound and Crosshairs I built a tiny shooting range on the rocks behind my house.
I usally had practice with them and soon, Crooshairs was no more my sniper teacher.
I was good enough to dare challenging him, well actually after a few times I always won against him.
Ratchet and Hound would always bet on the winner.
More than once, I used this thing on my advantage.
For example, I made a bet with Ratchet one time. If I would win against Crosshairs, he would have played Just Dance with me.
Guess who won ?
Or another time he bet I wasn't going to hold a glass of vodka. Well he was so wrong and I made him watch the only romcom I knew and liked.
Unlike I was expecting, I saw a sad smile on his face during the movie and it left me confused.
"Ratchet, I thought you hated romcoms" I said after the movie.
"I do" he said with a steady tone.
"Then why were you smiling ?" I asked out of curiosity.
"It reminded me of my sparkmate back on Cybertron" he answered me with sadness.
"W-what happened to your sparkmate ? And...what's a sparkmate ?" I said esitantly, I thought he was going to be mad at me for asking him too much, but all I could see in his shining eyes, was so much sadness and worry.
"A sparkmate is the person you sparkbond with. A sparkbond is a very intimate and strong bond between lovers, they share each a shard of their spark with the other and they are able to sense each other's feelings and fisical state. I used to have this type of bond with a mech, named Windjam. After a bomb attack on Iacon, the city where we used to live, I lost his tracks.
I had never been able to search for him since, because of the lack of troops in the Autobots army, I was forced to join" he explained.
We fell silent.
I tried to scroll the uneasyness taking my necklace in my hands, tilting it around a bit.
"So he gave it to you after all" I jolted and looked at Ratchet, he was smiling warmly.
"Are you talking about this ?" I asked lifting the crystal a little.
"Yes, do you know what it is ?" He asked.
It hit me like a thunder in a sunny day.
"Is this...a shard of Optimus's spark...?" I answered esitantly.
"It is. Are you able to feel him ?" At that question I gripped gently the crystal in my hand and focused. I felt it beat steadily and warmly in my hand.
Tears fell down my face as I smiled brightly.
"I can ! I can feel him !" I cheered happily.
"He will come back" Ratchet said.
"I know" I answered.

After an year, I still wouldn't lose my hopes and went on with my head held high.
It was around may that something peculiar happened.
A new postman started working in town. It was a guy, in his thirties maybe. He had pretty tanned skin, light brown hair and what hit me the most the first time I saw him, were his eyes. The pupils were pure white, circled by pitch black and they shone, like cybertronian eyes.
Later I discovered his name was Jason. I would often wait for him on the door and talk briefly to him.
Slowly we became friends.
"Hey ! I was thinking, you always talk about your friends but I never get to see them. Why don't we go out for dinner all together ?" Jason asked on a sunday morning.
"That's a fragging good idea !" I cheered.
"What's 'fragging' ?" Jason asked lifting an eyebrow, but he didn't look that puzzled.
"Oh don't mind it !" I laughed lightly "one of my friend always curses like that and I kind of took it from him" I explained.
"Let's have it on next sunday at that chinese restaurant on Braking alley, okay ?" Jason smiled and I smiled back.
We decided eventually to exchange our numbers and then pull off a place of meeting and the time.
That sunday I arrived little bit late.
It was all Drift's fault. He was staying at my house along with Bumblebee since they lived two cities away.
All of the Autobots were living mostly as humans to hide themselves, as we didn't really know if CIA was still on their tail.
I had to pick up all of them, but Drift had to look perfect so he stayed for ages in the bathroom.
I tried to tell him that he didn't need to look at his best, as we were going to dinner with a friend of mine, but he didn't listen.
We picked up a complaining Ratchet, Hound and lastly Crosshairs, just because I was feeling like letting him wait.
"Next time I drive !" Mr Cinic snapped at me as soon as he got in my car.
"Yah yah !" I giggled and reached Braking alley, as we decided to meet in front of the restaurant.
I didn't find an empty park along the street, so we had to walk.
Drift and Bumblebee were arguing in the front. I always thaught of the samurai as a bigger brother for the young scout. Even though Drift wouldn't admit it, he worried for his comrad.
I remember the first time they got to the city they live in now. Bumblebee was nowhere to be found and Drift called me to ask me if I knew where he was. He sounded really worried and alarmed.
I smiled weakly at the memory.
I heard Hound talk to Crosshairs about new types of ammos he found about.
Then I moved my glance on Ratchet, as he shifted his gaze frantically from side to side.
"Ratchet ? Something wrong ?" I asked quietly.
"I...I sensed my sparkmate...after all this years..." He breathed.
"Oh god...go search for him !" I gripped his shoulders and smiled brightly.
"That won't be necessary" Ratchet whispered.
Jason came running towards us, he didn't stop for a second and the others had to move away.
I mimiked them.
"Ratchet !" He shouted and pulled him into a hug.
"Windjam ! Thanks Primus you are alive !" Ratchet hugged him back and I swear I saw him shed a few tears.
"I thought I would never see you again after the attack on Iacon !" Windjam whispered.
"I'm sorry, they wouldn't let me go search for you...!" Ratchet's voice was a little shaky.
"It doesn't matter now" Windjam patted his head gently.
Frag if it was cute !
Then it hit me.
I was still waiting.
I was damn happy for them, but in the bottom of my heart I was jealous of their happines.

After another year I entered in a bad time.
I remember I was very depressed, I cried every night, in front of the door.
Waiting was crushing me to pieces, still, I kept doing it.
There was nothing that I loved more than him.
During that time, pretty everyone tried to do something for me, though not even Optimus's loving presence in the shard would ease my sorrow.
Eventually I stopped eating, sleeping and I rarely drank some water.
It got so bad, that one day I fainted at work.
Luckily for me, I wan't handling dangerous chemicals.
I woke up in a hospital room.
The steady beeping sound of the heart monitor filled the silence.
Tears filled my eyes, why was this happening to me ? Why did I had to go through so much sorrow ?
Someone pulled me closer and gently stroked my hair.
"Shhh, everything will be fine" I recognized Windjam's voice.
"No it won't ! I can't wait for him anymore !" I cried.
"Yes you can and you know he will come back" he patted my head gently "he wouldn't want to see you this way, it would break his spark"
"I know" I muttered.
"Never do that again for Primus's sake ! You scared the crap out of us !" Ratchet bursted into the room, followed by the other Autobots and my human friend, Jenna.
I had met her half an year ago and she already knew everything about me, as I knew everything about her.
"I'm sorry..." I muttered, starting to cry again.
"No no ! Chiara ! Please stop crying ! If I get that Orion I swear I'm beating the crap out of him !" Jenna gripped my shoulders. The only thing she didn't know about my life was that my friends were all giant alien robots and my lover was their leader.
"You couldn't even if you tried. He's a soldier remember ?" I giggled lightly in between the tears.
"I don't care ! It is his fault you're in this state !" She stated pulling her dark and wavy hair away from her face with a hand.
"No it's not. I'm just weak" I muttered.
"Weak ?! You waited him for three fucking years !" Jenna snapoed at me.
"I know, and I'm not going to stop waiting" I looked at her in the eyes.
"How can you say you are weak when you are giving me that look ?" She whispered "there's fire in your eyes and it's not going to extinguish until Orion comes back" she stated.
Even though waiting was hurting me like hell, I just couldn't stop.
Optimus was the only one I loved and I was going to get him back, no matter what.