Behind The Scenes

Chapter 4

Daniel POV

"Daniel?" I don't answer. " Are you okay?" I hear Joey from behind the door.

"I don't know what to do or say. I want to just die. I just wanna go out there and apologize to Joey, but at the same time.....I'm just so embarrassed and guilty about what I did. He even introduced me as HIS BOYFRIEND!" I think to myself.

I sit on the edge of our Jacuzzi tub and just breath. "It'll be fine....it meant nothing....I love Joey and that's all that matters....life's too short to feel like shit....I mean-----" My thought are interrupted.........again.

"Daniel? I'm going to bed and I just wanna let you know......that I love you." Joey says through the closed door.

I hear Joey walk away and climb into bed. I quickly glance at the time on my phone.

"Damn it, Daniel! You have been in here for 4 hours having a stupid pity party when you should've been out there with your boyfriend, who's feelings you probably hurt!" I scold myself.

I suddenly hear a giant snore from Joey and I realize that's my cue to escape the bathroom.

Joey POV

"Wow. Daniel has been in the bathroom all night, I don't know if I should be upset or worried" I contemplate saying goodnight and then finally decided that he may need it.

"Daniel? I'm going to bed and I just wanna let you know.......that I love you." I tell him hoping for an answer. There is none.

I begin to feel upset....not because of what he said, but because he wasn't talking to me. I am being to think that I maybe I did something wrong. I walk to the bed and climb in, trying not to think too hard about Daniel and before I knew it....I was in dreamland.

Daniel POV

After changing into my usual pink Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt and blue shorts, I climb into bed right next to Joey. I don't really feel tired at first so I pull out my kindle and start to read Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins. As much as I try to focus on my reading, I can't help but notice Joey shivering even though he has the covers up to his neck. I finally proceed to put away my reading material and cuddle Joey to keep him warm. He immediately stops shivering and my conscience tells me that this is the right time to apologize even though he may not hear anything I have to say.

"I saw the look in your eyes today when you finally realized what I had done. Your pretty mouth dropped open slightly and you were at a loss for words. You didn't need to say anything, anyway, because I saw it all in your eyes--betrayal, disillusionment, revulsion. In that moment, I just wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide. But now that I understand the gravity of what I've done, my actions have filled me with self-loathing and remorse. It's difficult for me to look in the mirror and I'm not proud of the man I see there when I do.

I have no excuse for what happened and saying "I'm sorry" hardly seems adequate. But if you could forgive me this time, I promise you this will never happen again. Both the suffering that I've caused you and the misery I feel now show me that breaking my word causes too much damage to both of us to ever want to do it again. Whatever selfish gratification I thought I'd gain by my foolish act has disappeared like a wisp of cloud under the noonday sun. All that remains is guilt and a stronger resolve to be not only the man you want me to be, but to be the man that I want myself to be.

I know it may be difficult to believe right now, but I really do love you and have honestly never loved anyone else. In the 2 years, we've become so much a part of each other's lives that I really can't imagine my life without you anymore. What few problems we've had in the past have been minor and we've been able to work through them with very little trouble.

I would give anything to pick up where we left off--just doing everyday things like coming back to the house after a photo shoot, kicking back on the couch and playfully dragging the fake camera people. I enjoy taking turns at being chef (even though we both know you can't cook, although you try) and appreciate your willingness to watch Ru Paul's Drag Race with me once in a while.

I promise you a faithful companion who has learned his lesson and is more determined than ever to make you happy and stand by you as long as you will have him. I know that you probably can't hear me right now and are off dreaming about....whatever you dream about, but I just want to let you know that I'm so so so sorry, Joey." I finish, don't hear an answer at first, but then I see Joey smile.

"I love you, too, Daniel." he whispers then falls back to sleep.