Arthur Barclay Columbus.

Prologue

"Frick- Fuck! Quick, catch that cat, it's got my wallet!"

As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew it for sure; I was a useless creature created for failure.
Only the people who had already noticed my previous behavior - such as violently trying to catch a fly and when I did catch it, accidentally letting it go and swallowing it – looked up from their conversations, to giggle or stare at me. No one made any attempt to actually stop the cat that was racing from table to table, with my wallet.

I groaned and stood up, catching my chair just before it tipped over and dove under the neat, white table I knew the cat was under. A loud shriek erupted from the lady whose shiny shoes were uncomfortably clean and I banged my head against the table, creating an opportunity for the cat to dash away from me again. As fast as I could, I got up, apologizing profusely to the screaming lady, before I saw a glimpse of the cat and I was forced to take off, knocking over a vase filled with water and wet plants in the process. I had no time to waste and didn't bother fixing anything, knowing full well it would only make the situation worse.

The cat had left my sight again and I stopped abruptly, slightly crouching and eyes narrowed.
A lot of eyes were on me, and maybe... three days ago I would've loved all the attention. Now, not so much. If they could all just avert their eyes and look for this cat-
A loud splash and I laughed triumphantly before darting to the huge aquarium, all while taking off my tie and -somehow- my shoes before jumping in.
Hello. My name is Arthur Barclay Columbus and the first time I met my best friend slash worst enemy face to face was in a fish-tank in a five-star restaurant. And she was a cat. At the time.