I'm sorry you RELATE

Sad, pretty fucking sad

Have you ever been so lost, that not even the right person could find you? Now this is not a story on which you find , true love, sword fight, or even a happy ending. Now this isn't even a story, it's my open letter from me to you, the reader. Now please, sit back and enjoy all these words I have to say to you, because maybe you can relate. If you don't relate. Just go ahead and read on and wonder what it would be like to feel this way. Chances are you caused a feeling like this.

High school. Two words. One miserable sentence. Again this is not a story about any particular thing. I want what everyone wants. To be alive. To say, "I made it". But made it to where? A job you study for, for four years in college. A job you thought you wanted but now regret because it's the job you studied for, and you know nothing else. Scary thing. I don't plan on anything after this time. But what if you do say, "I made it", and then you read this sentence out loud after days of waiting by the mail box, to your family, " Dear ____, we regret to inform you..." That ma'am/sir is a hideous statement, that you will more than likely receive. If you don't, lucky you. In middle school you watch movies, and hear story's of what you think high school is like, but as you start to find social media you will find that it is actually a bunch of girls you find annoying but still say hello to in halls. It's also a bunch of guys eating hot peppers at lunch as screaming at each other like wild monkeys in a zoo. High school, my friend is a great cause of depression.

Oh yes, depression. An old friend of mine. May I introduce you? Depression hits midway threw the first semester and no it's not for everyone. I did not know I was depressed until I was sitting in my room, apparently sad about many things. Oh yeah, I lived with a terrible family. Mom did drugs, dad walked out, annoying siblings, and the step dad who did nothing but sit on the couch. When we could afford one. Yes, the average story of a poor person in high school. My life sucked, and I hated more than anything when people would tell me to be grateful for what I had. I did have things but nothing nice. I had an old desk that was too stick in a room that was too small for a person my age & growing. My room was always a disaster and that's because it was too small to keep organized, (also because I couldn't afford a dresser for my clothes). My mom who was a terrible mother, and I will always find hatred for, was a damn child. She was so immature and always told us on how she either hated us or we ruined her life. I eventually stopped being sad because I could never get rid of her. I even moved out twice by the age of 14. My family caused most of my depression, they did not though, take it seriously, I often wrote suicide letters in my head on to which to make certain people feel bad and to make certain people feel better about their lost. I would have never done it though. The suicide part I mean. The letter was under my bed until I accidentally threw it away. I've never wished to die, but to like disappear & see what and how people would react my death but not really be dead. I would like to see who would come visit my grave and who would just post a picture of us on snap chat or instagram. Depression is not here but it's a familiar face I do not wish to see.