Nialler's Princess

Chapter 20

After the boys left, Lexi and I had a long talk. She kept trying to convince me to tell Niall how I felt but I just couldn't make myself believe that it was the right choice. There were too many risks and while I knew she was trying to help it was just giving me a headache. Eventually, Lexi gave up and left me to think about this on my own. She was working the morning shift again tomorrow and needed some rest anyway. I was now alone.

That was okay though. I liked being alone with my thoughts now and then. It made me be able to think more clearly without having to worry about others' opinions. It was a selfish method but it worked for me. I still had the headache from earlier that night so I decided to get my headphones and play a little rock music. For some reason loud songs like that helped my calm down because yes I was that weird. I took a few deep breaths and let my mind wonder, hoping for sleep. It never came.

As I drowned myself in the sounds of The Black Parade I couldn't help but start imagining a place where Niall and I could be together. That was a mistake. I had always been afraid of my own mind as it always took me to places I'd rather not visit. I was always taken to the worst case scenarios and convinced that they could easily become reality. If what my mind made me think was true then being with Niall was the worst thing I could do. It would destroy our bond forever...

I hate you, I thought to my own brain as I took my headphones off. I changed into my pyjamas laughing slightly when I saw the clothes I had let Lexi dress me in. For a second during the night I could've sworn Niall was staring at me. But that just influenced me to see a doctor about my overactive imagination...

"I really need some sleep now." One look at the clock on my nightstand told me that I was right. It was late into the night now, could practically be considered morning, and it was not doing me any favors to stay up this late. But before I could even get into bed I heard my phone start ringing. I walked over to it, curious to see who would call me at this hour. It was my mum's number on the display. "Hello?"

"Oh," I surprised her. "Oh, hi dear. I thought I was going to get your voicemail. What are you doing up this late?"

"I couldn't sleep..."

"How is Lexi? Are you two having another sleepover?"

"Uh, no. It's just me..." I should've probably tried to hide my obvious depression but I was simply too tired for that. Both physically and mentally.

"Are you okay sugah?"

"Yeah I'm fine"

"Oh no. What's wrong?" She sounded worried

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine"

"No you're not. You always say you're fine when you're not fine. Now, what's wrong?" I sighed. I always forgot that unlike me, my mum never got distracted or missed the slightest signals.

"I was just thinking of someone is all..."

"Is this about Niall?

"...And our relationship, yeah." I could never lie to my mum

"What about it dear?"

"Well things are getting... complicated. I don't know what to do anymore"

"Is this about your liking him?" she said very blatantly. i just hoped no one was with her

"Yeah..."

"Well why don't you just tell him?"

"Because it's not that simple! Why don't you understand that?" I cried aggravated. Why did everyone keep saying it so causally? If it were that simple I would've done it already.