So there was this kid, see. And his mom sent him to the store to buy
some liver. And he didn't even like no liver. So she gave him seventy-
five cents, but on the way to the store he passed by another store. And
there was video game sounds coming out. And it was just, like, those
videogame sounds reeeeached out through that door, and grabbed the kid
by the change in his pocket, pulled him through the door and snaked
down into his pocket, and grabbed the quarter and swallowed it down--
GLUCK!-- (you know the sound they make)-- GLUCK!--
And he played his first game, and he did lousy! Lost all three guys, bam
bam bam, like that. Woulda done better if he'd kept his hands offa the
buttons.
"I can't leave now," he says, "not after a game like that."
And he played his second quarter, and he done great. Extra boards, extra
guys, stuff coming down at him he'd never even heard about. Put his name
on after.
"Geez," he said, "I can't leave now, not after a game like that."
(That's how they get you.)
So he played his last quarter, and it didn't matter he good he done, he
didn't have no money.
So he went to the grocer, grocer said, "NO," he said. "You don't give me no
money, I don't give you no liver."
"But I'll get in trouble!"
"Nothin new for you," says the grocer. Grocer knew this kid.
Actually, most people in town knew this kid.
So, he left, and on the way out the door, he grabbed a plastic bag off
the roll, stuffed it in his pocket.
And on the way home, he happened to pass by-- an open coffin. With nobody
around.
(this is a kind of a joke. pause for audience reaction.)
He said to himself, what I need is... some liver!
(look in coffin. Audience reaction again)
What I got here, is... some liver!
(Audience reaction. )
And he took out his knife...
and he
(with great enjoyment)
CUT OUT THE GUY'S LIVER
(No good trying to soft-peddle this one. You want your audience to go
EUUUUUUUUUUUUU!)
And he put it in his plastic bag, and took it home to his mother,
AND SHE TOOK IT!
(EUUUUUUUUUUUUU!)
And she floured it and she fried it and
THEY ALL ATE IT!
(EUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! )
And
(-- this is my favorite part--)
they all agreed: it was the best liver they ever had in their lives.
(EUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
That night the kid was in bed and he heard
-- a noise--
outside.
RRRRRRRRR!
(get your first jump here)
RRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
JOHNNY GOT MY LIVER.
--Kid's name....was Johnny.
RRRRRRRRRRR!
RRRRRRRRRRR!
JOHNNY GOT MY LIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well he wasn't gonna stay in bed-- not this kid-- not with that going
on-- so he got up went over to the window, pushed his face against the
glass
(face -and -hands- against-the-glass mime here)
Bright moonlit night, he could see clear as day, there was nothin to see;
there was nobody out there.
Whew!, he says, bad dream, I can go back to bed.
Went back to bed, lay down, and why he hadn't seen it,
it was on the front porch, under the porch roof.
JOHNNNY GOT MY LIVER!!!!!!!!!!
(usually get a big jump here)
heard the screen door open
heard the kitchen door open
heard'em both slam shut together
(clap!)
like that.
Heard it coming across the kitchen, underneath his bedroom floor.
JOHNNNY GOT MY LIVER!!!!!!!!!
Kid said, "Pop!"
JOHNNNY GOT MY LIVER!!!!!!!!!!
"Pop... cut it out!"
"JOHNNY GOT MY LIVER!!!!!!!!!"
"You don't fool me, Pop."
JOHNNY GOT MY LIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I AINT SCARED!"
(very frightened, of course.)
Heard it comin up the steps...
"Johnny GOT my... Johnny GOT my...."
Heard it coming across the hall
"Got my LIVER... Got my LIVER...."
Heard it stop outside his bedroom door. Saw the doorknob turn. Saw the
door swiiiiiiing open..... He pulled the covers over his head.
Heard it comin across the room
"johnny got my liver..."
Heard it stop at the head of his bed.
Felt it
take the covers
out of his hands
and pull them down across his face.
He closed his eyes.
Felt it-- leeeeeeeean over him
Felt
its breath
on his cheek!
Smelt
the
formaldeehyde!
Heard it say
Johnny...
Johnny...
GIMME MY LIVER
........................................................................
A/N i was told this when i was 5 and they ask whats wrong with me.
