I'm Always Okay (Lucaya)

Chapter 1

"Huckleberry, if you care about me, here's what you do- go find Riley, tell her you love her."

She's decided to step back again. This triangle mess wouldn't have ended without either Riley or Maya getting hurt, and Maya refused to let it be Riley. Plus, the triangle was wrecking everyone's friendships. Maya knew that she could never compete with Riley when it came to Lucas. They were meant to be together. She's a princess and Lucas is her prince; so she told Lucas that he chose Riley and accepted this decision because Riley's happiness is most important.

But still, there were a few things that she couldn't quite figure out, like:

Why did Lucas push so hard for Maya to admit her feelings for him in front of that stupid campfire?? Why did he grab her face and lean in as though he was going to kiss her? Why did he string her along this whole time with the triangle mess if it was always Riley? Why?

But she pushes all these questions aside because, no matter what his reasons are, Lucas made his choice. He chose Riley. Period.

Maya couldn't risk having her feelings out there on display and being pitied by everyone around her, so she decided to play along. She let them believe that her maturing and trying harder in school was just her "turning into Riley". Because why would Maya Hart ever want to grow up? Apparently "people change people" only applies to everyone who's not Maya.

On the bright side, it turns out Josh actually likes Maya back; that should make moving past all the Lucas and Riley stuff more bearable. Except for Josh is never around, and they can't even date until she's out of high school; what if she waits all that time for him, but he ends up with somebody else? She can't expect Josh to wait all that time for her. A lot can change over the course of four years; feelings change, circumstances change, people change; well that is, of course, with the exception of Maya, she can only ever "become Riley". What if the long game only results in more disappointment? She doesn't know if "maybe someday" is worth it. After all, hope is for suckers; you hope for things, you get disappointed.

But she has to cling to something in order to get through this. Burying her feelings for Lucas this time is going to be immensely more difficult than the first, because they've only grown since then; but she can do it. It will be easier to hide her feelings for Lucas behind her apparent feelings for her best friend's uncle. Nobody can find out about her feelings this time; partly because she doesn't want to see Riley get hurt, but also because she can't handle the rejection again.

In the moment Lucas hugged her just before he went to tell Riley his choice, Maya had made the conscious decision to avoid Lucas from here on out to the best of her ability; at least until being around him became more bearable.

About a month later, Maya is sitting in the art room painting after school when she hears someone walk in.

"Maya?"

She looks up to see Farkle standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Farkle, hi! What are you doing in here?", she asks, darting her eyes around the room a moment to sure he's alone. "Did you need something?"

He walks over to her. "No, not really. We're all going to hang out at Topanga's and I stopped by to see if you were planning on coming with?"

She thinks about it for a moment, but the image of Lucas and Riley being all over each other invades her mind and her stomach drops. "No", Maya replies, a little too sharply, she notes, as Farkle flinches at her tone. Realizing her mistake, she adds, "I mean... I really need to finish this painting tonight. And then I have to head home to do schoolwork."

"Oh...", Farkle says, looking down at the floor a moment.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no... It's just-", he hesitates, "-you've been acting sort of... distant lately. You haven't been hanging out with us much at all since-"

"Since?", she prods, silently praying that he won't say what she's thinking.

"Since we were at the ski-lodge...", Maya's stomach drops. Farkle continues, "Are you okay? Did Josh say or do something to upset you?? Or is it-", he hesitates, looking down and mumbles, "-Riley and Lucas?"

Maya's eyes widen momentarily. "No! Farkle I'm- I'm fine! I'm just- focusing on my art and schoolwork lately, which keeps me pretty busy." It isn't a lie, well aside from the being totally "fine" part, but Farkle didn't need to know that for obvious reasons.

He doesn't look like he's buying it. "Maya, you can talk to me. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do Farkle, thank you for that. But I told you, I'm perfectly fine."

He looks her up and down. "Are you sure you're okay Maya?"

Eyes starting to burn with tears, she nods her head vigorously with her best attempt at a smile, "I'm always okay Farkle. Promise."

He leans over and pulls her into a hug, her head lying on his chest as she's sitting on her stool. "Okay Maya, just know that you can always talk to me." Backing away to look her in the eyes, he adds, "I'm here if you need it. Text me when you make it home safely so I know you're alright."

And with that, he leaves. It's a good thing too, because Maya can't hold it in any longer; it's like a dam breaks and the tears just start pouring out uncontrollably. She climbs off the stool and shoves it away with her foot, crying out in frustration. She drops to her knees, her throat closing up as sobs wrack her body and she holds her face in her hands. For the first time since Lucas chose Riley, Maya lets herself feel it. Feel everything; her dad leaving, her mom not being around, her friends not believing in her capacity to grow, Lucas rejecting her. She allows herself to feel it all this one time.

After a while, she pulls herself together and stands up, wiping tear-stained cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater. She glances at the time on her phone-8:17 p.m- time to head home.

Later when she's climbing into bed, she remembers to text Farkle.

I'm home

Only a moment passed before he replied.

Good!! I was starting to worry. Thanks for letting me know Maya.

Maya couldn't help but smile a bit at this.

Thanks for caring Farkle. Goodnight <3

Of course Maya. You're one of my best friends, don't forget that. I'm always here for you. Night

She smiles to herself and closes her eyes, falling asleep rather quickly.