So today I read back through my so called poems. I realized that if I keep waiting,dwelling in the past,I will never move on. If the person I keep basing my writings on can not realize that I love him more than he can imagine then that's his fault. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking,why that little glimmer of hope was always in my heart. Was I really thinking that he would change for me? Even though it has only been a year,I think it was very naive of me to think that he would make the world stop just to be with me. I guess I had high expectations...Any who,I hope I just get the fuck over it because it will never happen,and besides he would not be happy if he was with me,and that's all I want,is for him to be happy. I want to remember this,my moment of triumph. My moment of triumph against something that is very hard to resist. That feeling that you love someone so much,but thankfully I realized that I barely know him. Also, I want to know if he has ever wondered about me. Not in a weird way I mean just sat there and wondered what he means to me. I seriously doubt it but if he did I would like to know,and I want to know what he thought,the two of us together. If he thought that it was a bad idea,I think I would understand,I mean...he's already said I'm like a sister,no one special. It wouldn't bother me,I think I could handle it,I just really want to know. I just want him to be happy,and if he is not happy with me,then...I hope he finds his soul mate somewhere in this huge,unpredictable world. The one thing that he needs to know,though,is that he hurt me,for a long time. I felt that love,sorrow,paranoia,everything. I felt that shit in my soul,and if he has the balls to continue that,good for him because it is not that hard for me to leave someone that causes me pain every time I think of them. So be careful,sir,because I am NOT the type of girl to be walked all over.
