Just Friends

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Friends

Should I smile because we're friends? Or should I cry because that's the only thing we can ever be?

I never thought that I will have friends in high school because I'm just not that good at making friends.

My priority is just to graduate - to have a passing grade - because I don't really expect to be one of the top students here in school.

I'm a girl. I am 14 years of age and currently in my third year of high school. I don't see myself as an attractive person, I'm just average.

My skin is fair. Not as white nor as brown as my other classmates. I'm not that tall with only 5'3" in height. I'm not fat. I'm not thin. Like I said, I'm just average.

I don't play games like DOTA or any computer games. I do like sports but sports just don't like me back.

I usually end up doodling in my notebook when my mind is floating in daydream land, especially when I am bored during class or the teacher's voice makes me want to sleep.

At times, I like reading books like Harry Potter 1-7 or books that I find interesting. The library is one of my favorite places in our school because of the many fictional books they have there.

I think it is safe to say that I'm such a boring person. Don't you agree?

I'm an emotional person - sensitive. I guess that's why some people like to tease me because I'm easily ticked off by some things, how petty they may be.

Sometimes when someone does tease me or say things, I often stay quiet until he or she is done talking. Then I act as if I'm sulking.

Ah, yes. I learned to bake chocolate cake when I was in my second year. From then on, I got orders from my teachers and other relatives for only 350 pesos. It's the only hobby I have aside from reading and watching television.

Even with my pros and cons, I've met friends.

REAL friends.

They don't mind that we're not rich, that I'm not the smartest, not the most beautiful, and I'm thankful for having friends like them. It takes my mind off of things like family problems whenever we hang out after school.

My only dilemma whenever I'm with them is having a strange feeling towards my male friend, Rafael Ty. I know what kind of feeling it is but I just have to conceal such emotion because it will only complicate our friendship.

"Hey, why are you alone here? Aren't you going to eat your snack? It's recess time, you know." He suddenly asked me making me shake my head to forget such feelings.

"Uh.. no. I'm fine here Raf. You can go ahead with them besides I'm not really hungry." I pointedly look at our group of friends who are talking outside the classroom door.

I lied, of course. I badly want to eat recess with them but I just don't have the heart to spend my money over food.

I have only 250 pesos a week for my allowance. So if I tag along with them for recess, I could use 30+ pesos for food today. And that's a big NO for me.

He stared at me, suspicious of my answer. I know he knows that I'm lying but I hope he'll let me go.

With a shrug and "Okay then," he started to walk towards our friends.

When I can no longer see them, I sighed in relief and covered my face with my arms as I used it as a pillow against the desk of my chair.

Now I have the room all to myself and my thousand thoughts. My mind drifted to what happened in my life a couple of years back.

"Maggie... wake up." I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hmm. Go away.."

"I'll tickle you if you won't wake up."

I opened my eyes slowly. I did not even notice that I've fallen asleep.

My brows knotted at seeing Rafael sitting at the chair beside mine. "What are you doing here? I thought you went in the canteen to have recess?"

"I did. I just bought these and decided we could eat together."

He handed me a burger and a softdrink. My cheeks burned at the thought with us eating recess together, at the same time I felt embarassed as though he only did it because I think he knew I had a bit of troubles with money.

"Uh, thanks Raf. You didn't have to do this..." My voice croaked at that last two words.

He flashed me his genuine smile. The smile that always make my knees weak. "I know. I just want to do it."

I looked at him as he opened the wrap of his burger and took a bite.

"Well? Aren't you going to eat?" He asked.

My cheeks burned for the second time. I knew he caught me gawking at him.

I nodded at him to hide my embarassment. "Yeah. Thanks again for this Raf."

"No problem Maggie. That's what friends are for."

"Yeah..." and that is all we'll ever be. I wanted to say that out loud but instead, I quietly ate my burger.

Yes. We are just friends... so why do I feel disappointed hearing that from him?

Why do I want to hear other things from him aside from being friends?

What do I want us to be?

I felt like crying.

My mind and heart is disturbed at the thought of him being just a friend. It's like my heart wanted more than that.

Yet at the same time, I know I could not afford to risk our friendship over something... some emotion... that only I have been feeling.