Katie's Heart ~~ Part One of the Montana Series

~Chapter Three~

February 26, 2016

Katie sat on her horse staring off at the sunset watching the colors of the evening sky bounce off the snow. She huddled into her jacket, not feeling the evening chill but needing the comfort of her jacket. She had taken to riding Beau every evening after supper as a way to recharge and focus, giving her time to decompress and be alone to lick her battle wounds from the day. For Katie, learning of Justin's cancer return felt like a fatal wound. The news of the cancer returning had blindsided her, making her feel vulnerable, scared, and helpless. Never before had Katie felt more helpless than she did when her husband of nine years told her he was to far gone for treatment. Not even when she arrived at the ranch pregnant and scared had she felt this wounded, this alone. These emotions were raw, cutting her to the very core.

Justin had been her rock, when no one else loved her, he had. When no one else wanted her because of her one night mistake with Colten, he held her. More than that, he made her feel special, desirable, beautiful and most of all wanted. Justin healed Katie's broken heart making her feel cherished. He made Katie feel what true love was. In the process of healing Katie, he had worked on healing some of his own wounds as well.

Loving Katie came easily to Justin. While theirs had not been a marriage started off with intense passion and love, love had grown. Not only had love grown, surprising her in the process, but under Justin's constant care it had flourished. She can still remember the moment she realized she loved Justin. He had been holding William, who was nine months old at the time, on his horse showing him the ranch, pointing out the cattle making soft mooing noises at the excited baby in his arms. It wasn't a grand revelation, like fireworks exploding in her heart. It wasn't something that was instantaneous like an explosion of a bomb.  No, for Katie it was a feeling that she realized had been growing since they had exchanged their vows inside the old county courthouse. It was the feeling of being protected, truly cherished just as Justin had promised her in front of the judge and his secretary. What she had felt for Colten dimmed in comparison to what she felt for Justin. Now Justin and her boys were her life. Yet, in one afternoon, from one medical diagnosis, her life and stability had been ripped from her.

A week after Justin admitted that his cancer had returned, at her insistence, they were back at the doctor's office. Katie wanted to hear for herself that this was really hopeless situation, after all cancer research was changing daily. There had to be something they could to to spare Justin's life. Dr. Santori had gone through all of their options, watching Katie as he carefully explained it all. The cancer was in Justin's spine and slowly spreading into his lungs. The doctor explained that chemotherapy was an option to prolong Justin's life, but the cancer wasn't going to stop growing, it was too far gone. Justin questioned how long he had to ensure his family was taken care of. All Dr. Santori could do was offer an estimation of six months.

Through it all, Katie didn't ask any questions. Instead, Katie sat quietly, watching her husband weigh his options. She was silent while he refused chemotherapy, explaining he didn't want to made sicker by a treatment that would do nothing. She didn't even thank the doctor for his time when the couple left the office. Katie rode home next to Justin, clutching his hand watching the scenery she loved with unseeing completely dry eyes, still in complete silence. She cooked supper and watched Justin play and then bathe the boys. Smiling without it reaching her eyes, but still saying next to nothing. It wasn't until bedtime as Justin crawled into their bed, turning to gather her into the safe cocoon of his embrace that Katie lost her control. She sat in his arms and sobbed, begging him to seek someone for a second opinion, for them to weigh all their options. Yet, Justin remained steadfast in his belief that he was doing the right thing as he rocked her and kissed her hair just as he had done when she had arrived on the ranch all those years ago.