Falling towards the universe

Intro

Do you know what it's like to watch from above a horrible scene? A horrific disaster? Because I do and that's what I'm here to write about. I'm writing about me and how I came to be sitting in this chair typing what I'm about to type. I won't change most of the names of the people in this book because I have asked nearly each person individually and they are happy for me to continue using their real names. There are only a few names that I need to change and any person who thinks this book may be about them then they are probably wrong as this is purely coincidental. So let us get started.

Chapter One November (insert day here) 2015

I write poetry, not very often but when I do I like to go out at 4am and write somewhere in town or by a river at midnight. That's the way the creation flows from my very lips, heart and soul. That's something that I don't think will ever change. I mean how could it? It's a part of me, apart of everyone who has ever written poetry, and a part of all people who dream of writing such words onto paper. One day though, that all changed. And not for the better.

I was walking to the shop when I ran into Simon Hatting. He is taller than me by about five inches and is a whopping 90lbs of pure muscle. He calls me 'Happy' because I'm always frowning. This annoys me to no end –of course. Simon is a family friend and I have no issues with him. When I tell you what he did to me though, well... You might end up being a little mad. He has soft and sharp facial features, with green or brown eyes (I can't really remember), his chin juts out like a mountain upside down, and the sunglasses he wears (even though it's Four in the morning) are twinkling deviously underneath the light of the spider infested lamp post. This should have been my first clue... I -apparently- was not thinking right, nor was I in the right frame of mind anyway. As I walk towards him, frowning all the way he asks where I am going to which I reply that I am going to the shops, he offers me a lift. I comply.

We drive through the frowning town of Reading, England and the twinkling lights only illuminate his sunglasses even more. The signs I missed –part two. This should have all gone off in my head, a 30-something yr old man driving a 16yr old girl out in the middle of the night when no one knows where she is. BOOM! I made a breakthrough, I start to feel uncomfortable and nervous but I chalk this up my anxiety (unfortunately). As we ride through the black horse of a night, there are no knights in shining armour to save me from the inevitable. The terrors that await me sink into my dreams almost every night now and the flashbacks are worse than you could imagine, double that with intrusive thoughts and hyper vigilance and you've got a possible diagnosis for PTSD. Anyway, back to the story.

The black horse rides us up to a Tesco extra, largest one I've ever seen. I have no idea where we are and I catch a glimpse of Simon staring at me in wonder or pleasure; I don't know. I get my things and we head to the checkout aisle, we speak to a very kind cashier and then we're on our way back through the cloak of twilight.

On the way back it's pure silence, a knife would break if it were to interfere with it. I look out the window mostly and I can't remember what dead language we talk in but it's as dull as the hump on a camel.

We jump out the car. I'm relieved, wide awake and ready to go home and watch TV. That, does NOT happen though. When we get out the car I'm confronted with the challenge of either going to see some adorable puppies or watching reruns of Friends. I (of course) choose puppies. When we get into the house he asks me to be quiet as his mum is asleep upstairs 1. To remember. So as I tiptoe through the tasking house garbage pile made of sticks they call home I climb the up the stairs and round a corner to where the puppies are. They (as promised) lick my heart to death and I give them as much love as I possibly can. They are so cute, being grey and white and brown and black and many other colours of none-other than the colour spectrum. I just wish they had a light blue puppy. Hehehe. As I'm about to leave he asks me if I want to come in and watch Netflix, I say yes 2. To remember 2. To notice when something is going wrong and 2. To remember to get the hell outta there ASAP. I did none of those things and this is the moment that my life turned upside down...

As I take refuge in his bedroom, I smell weed and other narcotics that mix not-so-well together. 3. Things to remember and notice and possibly something that could save my life. He lays down next to me and encourages me to take off my shoes, my coat and my plaid shirt (I think I was wearing a plaid shirt, I practically always am) Then he starts to put on a tv show of my choice (Orange is the New Black). It evolves from there quite quickly as I notice how rigid I had become, I was certainly not cut out for this. Watching sex scenes on a bed with an older man. This was wrong and before I can say what's on my mind he has taken my phone and is touching my leg inappropriately, I keep my head focused on the TV, I ask him to get off and I push him off. The worst is about to happen...