Silent Confesssions

#1

I look at you

You stare at him

I lost track of all the letters I wrote.

When did I become so pathetic?

Maybe between the nights I spent giving them advice about you

or was it when we spent all night talking about him?

Did you even wonder why I look so sad?

Just me and my one-sided obsession.

one of these days you'll realize,

No matter how much time passes,

Its all the same.

I'll look at you,

You'll stare at him,

He'll walk off with her,

And you'll never bother 

to glance behind you......

I glance over the words written across the page and think about what would happen if I actually handed this to her. I read the words over and over again but every time. I cant help but laugh at how pathetic I sound on paper. I fold up the page and add it to the box underneath my bed. as I am about to try and bury my loneliness in the internet, my phone rings. I stare at the caller ID for a bit before answering.

"Hello"

"What took you so long?' the voice that has been tormenting me for years slurs out.

"Are you drunk?"

She only laughs."So what if I am? are you my mother?"

I feel the beginnings of a headache coming on as I listen to her speak. "Even if I wanted a kid I would pray to every god out there that it wouldn't turn out like you" I snap back.

She laughs quietly in my ear "There's the Z I know and love."

Love.....

I hate how easily she throws out that word. I hate how much I let it affect me. I hate how weak I am when it comes to her. I hate her.

"Did you need something Haven?" I spit out

"Haven? you haven't called me that in years...are you mad at me?" It sounds like she is pouting over the phone.

I suddenly feel very tired of the whole conversation. "I'm fine, just having a rough day." I lie because how can I tell her? How do you tell the person who refuses to be seen with you in public that you are in love them? 

She doesn't even notice the lie I just told. why would she? "Whatever, don't take it out on me bitch. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I'm spending the night at your place tonight."

I was so busy thinking that I almost missed her words. " wait, why are you coming here?"

I hear some shuffling in the background of the phone and there is some drunken giggling and whispering. I am about to say something when the stranger on the other side of the phone starts to speak.

"Who the hell is Zara?"

I can almost see Haven tilting her head before smiling. I brace myself for what is about to come.

" She just some freaky chick my parents make me hangout with. She so fucking weird if I say I'm with I get to out as much as I can."

I don't know why I don't just hang up the phone, I guess I really am a masochist.

The guy laughs "Why don't you just ditch her ass?"

"I would but she kind of freaks me out. I think she might be obsessed with me or something."

The idiot had the nerve to whistle and laugh as if that was funny in any way. 

"I mean, who wouldn't be. Can you really blame her?"

I can picture haven smirking at him. "I suppose you're right. Enough about the freak, dance with me."

I hang up at this point. I expected this so I don't even know why I let her get to me like this. I wipe the tears off my face and force myself to go to bed. 

At some point I can hear someone entering my room. Just before she gets to my bed I can already smell the strong liquor on her.

"Move the hell over"

Maybe if I pretend to not hear her she will go away....

"I know you're not asleep. I saw you when I walked in."

I still don't move.

" Fine be that way."

I feel a hard kick and I immediately sit up. "What the hell Haven?!"

"I told your ass to move twice. You know I hate to repeat myself."

I don't even have the strength to argue with her tonight. I am about to roll over when I hear speak again.

"Did you hear?"

I freeze. could she--

"I'm not asking because I give a shit about your feelings or anything, I just want you to know where you stand. You're nothing but an excuse for me to go out. Anything else is just because I feel like it."

I flinch when she says that. Although I already know these things it still cuts me deep when she calls me nothing. She notices me flinch and laughs. She grabs my face with sharp nails and squeezes so that I am forced to look at her. When I look into her eyes I am frightened by the lack of emotion that I see in them.

"And don't think for a second that I don't see the way you stare at me when you think I'm not looking. Do you really thin---"

As she says this I finally notice how close she is to my face. As terrified as I am, I can't help but be affected by the lack of space between the two of us. I tried to not react to her but. I saw it in her face the moment she noticed the way I looked. She stopped talking and smiles at me coldly.

"You're probably enjoying this aren't you?"

I keep my eyes down to avoid answering her. She doesn't like that.  She did my nails further into my cheek to force my eyes to go to her. she looks almost bored despite the fact that  she is almost drawing blood.

"I asked a question Z..."

"N..No" I manage to mumble despite the pain.

"LIAR"

I barely have time to react before my head is pulled to the side and  feel a sharp pain in my neck. I manage to push her away then and my hand automatically goes to pain in my neck. My mind is still struggling to process the fact that I was just bitten.  I look up at her from my spot on the floor. she smiles at me like nothing happened.

"This will be fun..."

Then I sit there and watch her make herself on my bed. She rolls over and I flinch again.

"By the way, you're sleeping on the floor. There's no way in hell that I'm sharing a bed with you."

A/N: Hey guys, this is a new fic. hopefully I have made it clear that one of the characters is a major bitch so there WILL be some triggering language and homophobic language thrown all over the place so be forewarned. I will also try to place warnings before chapters but I am a forgetful person so........Whoops in advance? I hope you enjoy the story. I love comments so feedback is always welcome, good or bad.

<3 Ochuwa