Legend's Apprentice

Therapy

When I woke up the next morning, I felt a little better for having spoken to a mental health professional. I'd really limited the details, saying only that I'd been abducted and he'd penetrated me with his fingers, I'd fought back and although I escaped, I was worried, based on what he'd said, that he'd come after me. I asked if it was reasonable to be worried.

"Unfortunately, yes," the counselor had said. " In roughly a third of rapes, resistance makes the assault more violent. If this man has not been caught, you should be cautious; he might stalk you. At the same time, don't let it take over your life. You need routine, not to feel more cut off from your regular life," she had warned. "If you find yourself punishing yourself for it in some way, like cutting, drug use, casual sex, get help immediately. Go to a school counselor or someone you trust."

"I don't really trust anybody," I said softly. "It happened New Years Eve, there wasn't a policewoman readily available to talk to and I just wanted to get it over with. Other people overheard the interview, people I would have preferred not know. My uncle was one of them, and he's downplaying my worries. I don't know what to do."

"This is very unfortunate," she said gently. "It's hard."

"I know that it wasn't my fault. I really do," I said. "And it could have been so much worse. He threatened me with a gang bang."

I don't know that she was really ready for me. But she went over the stages of Rape Trauma Syndrome, the acute phase which is the immediate aftermath, apparent stabilization, and the final phase, which is a return of the initial distress, and she cautioned me that recovery wasn't linear or on a time table, and she urged me to get in touch with a rape crisis center since they have specialized counseling. She might not have meant it that way, but it felt like she was passing me off to somebody else. "And don't get hung up on the terminology. Legally, the definition of rape can vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, and while penetration by a penis is the only criteria for rape in some places, penetration by anything is considered rape in others. Choose the definition that works for you in your recovery process."

After I'd gotten off the phone, I looked up rape crisis centers in the city. There were more than I'd thought, and I marked a couple for further investigation.

Over the next few days I contacted New York-Presbyterian Hospital and was placed in their Domestic and Other Violence Emergencies program. It was guaranteed confidential and it was free, which was a load off my mind. This being New York, I felt that they'd understand about the Joker, and they did, categorizing him as a stalker. They also thought I could still be at risk, pointing out that I didn't know what happened with my date ( I called him John rather than Damian; I didn't trust confidentiality that much) when he was being tortured. I hadn't thought about that, and it made my anxiety ratchet up. Even if he'd just said my first name, it wasn't a really common name. On my second visit, they started me on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, which did seem to help a lot.

I researched some personal protective devices but decided against anything that could be used against me, like pepper spray. So what I came up with was no protective devices, preferring to rely on my skills. I researched in a different direction and found a rugged, waterproof locator device the size of a quarter. I superglued it to the bottom of my sports watch because I only took that off in the shower. It was only three millimeters thick, so it didn't make the watch stand up on my wrist. The tracker was used with a cell phone app. So I put my cell phone code with a message to activate the tracker if I went missing on notes in my bedside table, in the little notebook I used to take notes and carried in my messenger bag, and in my wallet. I'd done some research and found a device invented by a South African doctor, but it had never gone to market. It was, essentially, a female condom with four little strips of barbs attached. The drawback was that the woman had to be penetrated for it to work, but the barbs dug into the penis when the man tried to withdraw and could only be removed by a doctor. I seriously considered it, but it never went into production. Well, my skills would have to be enough.