Star Speed

Ben thought about dragons as he sat idle in front of his steering wheel, feeling the leather with his right hand, noticing how it could possibly resemble a scaly body. His left hand held a mug of hot apple cider, safely caged under a lid so it could not singe his hairy fingers. To his right sat William, his trusted comrade in the line of duty; a tall, well groomed man who smelled of raspberries and granola.

"I reckon this is gonna be a quiet night," started William, who believed every Monday night was a quiet one.

"Help me understand something," Ben interrupted William's thought. "How come we're sittin' here on the West side of town when it's really the East side that's in chaos?"

"I dunno. More rednecks?"

A woman who appeared to be in distress walked up to the car, and Ben realized he spoke too soon about the East side. Two black trails of wet eye-liner were making their way down the woman's face. She tumbled forward after several stomps with her boots. Hooker boots. She was dressed like a hooker, a very unattractive one.

"Dear God," William said under his breath.

The woman pulled herself to her knees, and as she did the two police saw quite a bit more of her cleavage than they wanted to. The call for duty in this situation would be to bring her in to be charged and confined. But in all honesty, they wanted to give her a break. She looked very pitiful.

"What's a young lady such as yourself doing outside at this time dressed like that, miss?" inquired William, as the woman grabbed onto the open window frame of the car to pull herself up. Ben had a hard time looking at the woman as her face climbed up really close to his.

"Officers, you gotta help me. My friends and I were down a few blocks, and I was talking to the bartender, and he was born in Alaska, and he complimented me on my hair-"

"Mam, get to the point."

"And there was this purple light, and then everybody fell asleep, and then woke up, and then I woke up, and my car wouldn't start!"

Ben and William both sighed and got out of the car.

***

After the woman was thoroughly tested for sobriety, and searched for drugs, the cops walked her back to her car. They checked the hood first, noticing it had been forced open, and closed. After pulling the hood up with the latch, Ben and William noticed an empty space where the car's engine was supposed to be sitting.

"We have a tampered vehicle," Ben muttered into his radio. "Will need to be towed away for investig-"

"What did you say?" the woman became more distressed. "I will not have my car towed. That's just gonna cost me too much. Could you just replace my engine instead?"

"Hold that," Ben finished on the radio.

"We don't have car engines to give out," William explained, feeling like he was talking to a toddler. "We're law enforcers, not mechanics. Do you know how much an engine costs?"

"Then nevermind," the woman insisted. "I'll figure this out. I will not have it towed."

The two cops, reluctant to leave the woman in her state, but too exhausted to encourage her to reconsider her situation, returned to their car.

"That went well," mused William.

"It was probably the most unfinished job I've ever done." Ben grabbed his apple cider back out of the cup holder.