Two years ago, this moment in time would have been my version of perfect.
Steak slowly sizzling in the skillet, the sweet aroma of my dads many homemade spices dancing throughout the house. The paining sound of the smoke detector going off, only to be followed by the contagious laughs of my Abuelita, parents, and little sister. The slowed tempo of Abuela's old salsa records. The sound of the old floor board creaking with every step her and my dad took, as they slowly danced across the living room.
Just not today.
Today all of this happened but without my presence. Today they asked if I would like to join them for Carmen's birthday festivities and I had to refuse. It's gotten to the point that laying down makes me dizzy and eating would only make things worse. Add this to the fact that my joints feel like el diablo himself has set them on fire, and I'm not exactly in a party mood.
Today I lay in my bed. I don't move. I don't talk. Occasionally I forget to breathe. Which would be better than dying in pain from cancer. I'd be dying on my own terms. But not today.
I picture Abuela's beautiful cakes as I hear them start to sing. I whisper slowly with them
Cumpleaños feliz
cumpleaños feliz
te deseamos Carmen Rosalia
cumpleaños feliz
I picture Carmen rolling her eyes when they stretch out the song just to get her middle name, Rosalia, in the song. Then she'll close her eyes, fold her hands, and then slowly blow out all the candles.
Everyone will get a piece of cake and eat it before dinner is done.
Then dad will cut up the steak and everyone will make personalized fajitas with beans and rice.
Then Carmen will open her presents. Usually she would come up after everyone cleaned up and tell me what she liked and didn't. What she wanted but didnt get and what she was thankful for getting because she wanted it. A small meaningless rant that meant the world to me.
But I was getting weaker. Everyone left me alone because I no longer smiled. I was no longer positive. I just nodded or shook my head. No one would want to talk to the dying girl.
YOU ARE READING
101 Reasons To Keep Living
Romance"María, please. I need you here. I'm trying to give you reasons to stay" "James none of this is going to help" "Give me a 101 days. 101 days exactly. No less and no more. Give me time to change your mind. Please María" "101. No more." "101" ...
