Pepin

The darkness surrounds me

I hit the snooze button one more time. Damn why does school start so early. I hear a soft knock on my door. "Are you awake?" The voice sounds very soft as if it's talking to a bear who can get out of it's wintersleep any moment. "GO AWAY" I shout as I throw my pillow to the door. I can almost hear a little scream coming from the other side of the door, followed by the sound of her little feet running as fast as she could.  Wondering why I was so rude I throw my head on my matrass. "Is this even real? Am I alive?"
I ask myself those questions very often lately. I don't tell anyone tho.. My mum would be hysterical and immediately call a therapist, and my father will be really dissapointed. I decide to go to school, even though I don't really feel like it.

As I get downstairs Pepin is eating a piece of bread. She has chocolate sprinkles on it. Secretly I really want that too but I have to get skinny. "Why were you knocking on my door" I ask her. "Well I thought we could have breakfast together and then ride to school with dad." I try to hold it back but then I get it all out: "Did you really think that I would want to eat with you? With a piggy that stuffs her face with chocolate in the morning and isn't even able to eat it normaly because she eats so much? No thanks, I'll have some tea." Immediately I feel guilty. Why did I have to say that? I can see that she almost begins to cry, even though she tries to pretend that she doesn't care. I take an apple from the fruitbowl and get myself some tea. A few moments later we are in the car with dad, on our way to school. You can hear a pin drop. "Thanks Pepin, you ruïned this morning" I tell her. Even though I know it was my fault.

At school it is so hard to concentrate. It's like my mind is filled with cotton balls that keep me from thinking clear. "Nouska, are you coming?" I am drawn out of my thoughts. It was Amy. With her books in her hands she is staring at me. "So you're nice and clear today" she says with a little grin. "Are you coming? We're going to the canteen. They serve pizza today." All of a sudden my mind is clear again. It starts screaming things like "NOo DON'T EAT THAT, YOU FAT PIG!" and "GET OUT OF HERE!". I have to find an excuse. Before I realize it I say: "No I can't come. I'm sorry I have to finish my homework first and I'm not really hungry." I know that she probably won't believe me but I try to make it sound as believable as possible. Surprisingly enough she gives me a (kinda weird) nod and walks away.