All His

Chapter 3

Who knew blades we're only for sharpening? Blades could be used for many things. Cutting is one of those. Self harming to be precise.

I was first introduced to self harming by my friend Jacky. She does it for fun. It makes her imagine look good. She hangs out with a bunch if weirdos that cut for fun. Cutting myself makes the pain go away. It's different to how John makes me feel pain. Cutting feels good. I have control of something.

I slid the blade of my sharpener over my wrist. The blood dripped down onto my bed sheets like a small, red, bloody waterfall. Cutting myself didn't hurt anymore. It did the first time I did it. I was scared to touch the blade to my wrist. As I slid it over my wrist for the first time, I winced. But now it's like a routine. I cut my wrist then I move on to my thighs. Cutting makes me feel alive. Cutting is my escape. When I cut i am no longer in my abusive home. I am in my own world or pain. I use pain to drive the pain away. I felt tears escape my eyes. Is this what I have come to? Hurting myself to feel like I mean something to someone?

*****

I've never had to be home alone John. So why has god done this to me? Victor, Mom, and Maria went to the store and the dentist. They've been gone for several hours. I check the time, 5:30. John should be home by now. As if on cue I hear the front door click. I also hear stumbling which means he's drunk. I curl up on the edge of my bed, holding my knees. The door to my bedroom creaks open. John stumbles in clumsily and stops at the edge of my bed. I suddenly regret wearing a skirt. What if he tries to touch me? Or beat me again?

"Hey beautiful." John growls disgustingly. I gets up and sits on my bed hardly a foot away from me. "I'm glad you wore that cute little skirt today." John whispers trailing my leg with his index finger. I kick away his hand with my foot. I can feel myself shivering. I'm scared, my instinct tells me to run. I sprint towards the door and almost grab the doorknob. But I feel a meaty hand on my wrist pull me back.

"Where are you going Alex?" John asks. He is now on top of me and I'm laying on the bed. I start to cry. What is he going to do? My question is answered immediately as he grabs both my hands and puts them above my head.

"Leave me alone!" I start thrashing and kicking, but John is too heavy on top of my legs. He starts unbuttoning my cardigan revealing a white tank top. John kisses my jaw and then goes down to my neck.

"Please stop. I-I don't like this. Stop touching me!" I beg him. He pulls my tank top above my head and through my arms. His eyes go wide at my breasts, then he smiles wickedly. My tears keep coming as he starts cupping my right breast while still holding my hands above my head. John tries to kiss my lips but I twist and turn. He slaps me across the face.

"Stop moving fucking bitch! Or I swear to you it will get worse." He screams at me. I start sobbing. Hopelessly sobbing. My only hope is that Victor will come and take John away from me. John kisses the space between both my breasts. He suddenly stops. Is it over? Please God let it be over. I feel hopeless. John scares me so much. Now even more that ever. I can't do anything about him touching me. He looks down at my girl area. My panties are completely exposed thanks to him being on top of me.

Now here comes the fun part." John whispers into my ear. My tears come falling faster. John moves his hand down to my panties and slowly lowers them. I claw at his face. I can't see anything through my tears. My feel skin against my nails. I start punching and kicking.

"Leave me the fuck alone you sick bastard!" I yell as I grab a lamp from my side drawer and throw it at his head. He stops fighting back and drops to the floor. Did I kill him? I pull my panties up and put my cardigan back on. I feel my feet move and walk towards the bed. I sit back in the corner and pull my legs up to my chest, staring at John's lifeless body. I am to scared to get up and go towards the door.

After about 30 minutes I gather the guts to get up and go towards my bedroom door. I step above John and start walking towards the front door. I feel something grab my ankle and I started to scream.