Borderline Insanity

'Perfect' Life

Let it consume you...

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It's funny how the word perfect can change a person so much. I'm what you call a “master piece”. Though I only live up to that, since that's what my parents and loved ones have ever wanted from me. Everything I have from a house to shoes is perfect.

I've heard that word so many times in my life it sickens me to the point where I want to just puke or even beat up the person who called me that. I've grown to just become completely disgusted and revolted by that.

Even when I make an “accidental” mistake people just brush it off and say that I'm still perfect. People don't actually know the real me. They just see what I choose to show them. Not like they would have the same views on me. But I have these personality disorders called borderline personality disorder along with avoidant personality disorder. Let's just say those two do not go well.

Avoidant P.T. is when I'm deeply afraid of rejection and don't get close to people unless I'm sure they won't harm me in any way. While borderline P.T. is where I can easily change moods or snap unconsciously at somebody or even make bad gestures. I've hidden it pretty well with some medication. Even though I have been pretty close to showing my disorders to people or even groups of people.

They don't know what I'm capable of doing. Of course my parents don't know either since they are always at work. I've figured things out and grown up all on my own with literally no one by my side. I did have him once, but he was the reason for everything that happened to me. You think you know somebody until they are the cause of your flaws. As the events kept coming back I put my head down and hugged my legs to my chest.

《Flashback》

“What happened to that cute little smile of yours, Yasu?”, he said as he looked down at me with that sinister smile. He caressed my face in his hand and made me look up at him by holding my chin. I had tears in my eyes and my cheeks were wet from them. "Are you that afraid to be tainted, my little "perfection"?

I let myself fall to the floor and started to crawl away from him. I couldn't do anything against him. He knew all my weaknesses. No one is here to help me. Why can't anybody help me?! All I wanted was to live a normal and carefree life as a child.

Is started to hear footsteps from behind me and I panicked. I was getting anxious with every step he took. I dont want to be tainted. I dont want to! I heard his foot steps get faster and soon I started to grow more and more worried.

I finally stopped crawling for a bit and get on my feet. I started to run, I ran as fast as I could. I don't want him anywhere near me, like before. I couldn't trust him or see him like I used to.

"Oh, Yasu, where are you going? You know I'll find you!" He shouted as I kept running away from him through the halls. I turned back to see if he was coming and I didn't see him. 'Will he finally leave me alone? Did he get tired of me?' I thought as I still kept running.

I turned back only to bump into someone. It was one of the maids. I clung to her dress and pleaded her to help me. "P-please! Help me! He's going to get me! He wants to taint m-me!" I cried and pulled on her dress. She looked down at me and she gave me a dirty look.

"Tch... You brat! You think I'm going to help you? Like I give a single shit about what happens to you." I looked at her in utter shock and stumbled on my words. "B-but.... I thought... Why won't you... Please!" She got tired of my pleading and kicked me away.

I felt a sharp pain on my side and tumbled back. I looked up at her with fear in my eyes. "P-please... help me...." I said as I held my side to try and make it better. She raised her hand and was about to swing it at me, when I got interrupted from a knock on my door.

"Master, I came here to give you your dinner, may I come in?" It was one of the maids and I took in a deep breath and silently got up from my bed. I walked towards my mirror and looked at myself. I was a mess.

I'm sure even if I went out like this, they would still think I'm perfect. I still decided to try and make myself presentable as I walked towards the door and opened it. The maid came in and set my food on a medium sized table in the corner of my room. She then slightly bowed and walked out of my room while closing the door behind her.

I looked at the good and saw that it was one of my favorite foods. I don't touch my food as much as I used to, but I think it's better to at least eat a bit. I should at least not worry, Kazue.

He worries a lot for me and usually can spot any small difference. He never lets anything out of his sight. He always keeps his guard on, unless it's with me. I've grown to like him more than a best friend should, but I could never tell him that. We tell each other everything, but that's what he thinks, for now.

I decided to eat and sat down on my chair and silently ate my food. I heard my phone ring from my pocket and put down my utensils. I took it out and saw a message from Kazue himself.

"Hey, what are you up to, mister perfect?~"~J

"Just eating dinner by myself as always. What about you, Mr.Playboy?~"~Y

"Aww, you should be invited me over, I would've been happy to eat with you. Also, that was one time!!"~J

Yeah, I hold that one time, he flirted and was surrounded with a whole bunch of girls, against him. I can't help it, it's funny when he gets mad. Also, he actually is a playboy though he didn't need to tell ke to figure it out. He's always going out with a girl every week or month! I have no chance of being with him. Though, I have heard rumors that he goes with guys too, but I could never confront him about it.

I'd rather not assume and let him tell me instead or at least comment about it. This is just what one of my few evenings is like.

Eating alone, talking to my crush, and dealing with the voices.

They never leave me alone, they always try to take over. I always resist and have always been successful, though I've had a few close calls with them.

"Do it. They've betrayed you."

"No, leave me alone, I will never betray them."

"They don't love you, they never will, they just love your perfection, not the real you!"

"No, they do like the real me! You don't understand anything, so just go away!"

"They'll leave you all alone, just like before. Why dont you just kill them? It's easy."

"No, they mean too much to me, I could never leave them. They're precious people. I could never hurt anybody."

"It's your fault that they all left you. Don't you want your revenge from him too? Come on, just let me do everything. All you ahve to do, is lend me your body."

I cover my ears and shook my head. I couldn't listen to them. I wont listen to them. I'm better than this! Don't fall for it, don't fall for it, don't fall for it!!

I won't let it consume me.