Rules- Grofflin

-Part 1-

The one, single, very important rule of sharing a dressing room with someone is- Don't fall in love with them.

Jon had always followed the rules. He cleaned up his room when his mother had asked him to, he handed in his homework on time, he didn't ever touch drugs, and he always put down the toilet seat after doing his business when visiting his parents in Lancaster.

But this one, single, very important rule had been broken by him.

It wasn't on purpose, he knew. Falling in love isn't a choice. It sort of creeped up at you from behind, and plunged a knife into your back, the pain taunting and torturing you. Maybe if you were lucky, that pain would go away quickly.

But Jon wasn't lucky. The feeling in his chest when he saw him kept getting heavier and heavier. He couldn't sleep, because that feeling made it difficult to breathe. He always woke up, and longed for the minute he would see him, where he would smile. Jon fantasised about it. He'd cry in his sleep because of the dreams, where everything he wanted became reality, even for a few fleeting moments. He'd stay up late, reading trashy fan fiction about them, and then run to the window to catch that air that he couldn't seem to grasp.

But the other man was oblivious... and head over heels in love with a girl... his wife. He never stopped telling Jon about the wonderful things she did, how well she watched their son, how smart she was.

And it wasn't like Jonathan Groff would ever be good enough for Lin-Manuel Miranda.

But, he had fallen in love with a straight, married man, and had very much so broken the rules.

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Jon always got to the theatre before everyone else. One of the reasons being, he liked being on time (again, rules.) but, he also needed the getaway from the world. He'd maybe.... Sit and read, clean his dressing room, or, he'd pace around Lins room, and have to leave before the tears were triggered.

It was always endless. The cycle would repeat, and repeat, and repeat. The worst part was, he couldn't tell anyone. He buried it, covered it up and sheltered it. It was his biggest, darkest secret. It ate away at Jon. It made him isolated, alone.

Everyone knew though. Lea would always tease him. She'd poke at him, laugh lovingly at him. It was in those moments, the moments of people questioning him, where Jon was a great actor. He'd laugh it off, pretend it was nothing, even though it felt like the world was a piece of shattered glass, and all the fallen bits had somehow reached him and scarred him.

And he couldn't talk to Lea about love without feeling guilty. She had changed, since Cory. She shut off whenever real conversations about relationships came up. But he had nowhere else to turn. Every road led to a dead end. He was alone.

In those minutes that he had alone in Lins dressing room, his pain was slightly relieved. Seeing Lins natural habitat made him feel warm. He could imagine what life would be like with Lin, if the universe had decided that Jon was meant to be truly happy. But, he'd always clear out quickly. Lin couldn't catch him. There'd be too many questions, and he'd be proven guilty of everything.

There was a point where Jon thought, maybe, Lin could have feelings for him. The inside jokes, sweet smiles, long hugs and even, his 'birthday present.'

But, one thing most people didn't know about the famous composer Lin Miranda was that he was a complete flirt. Renee, one of Jons  friends had once told him, "Everyone has had a crush on Lin. It's almost a rule of humanity." And so, after Lin and Jon had gotten close, Lin dropped Jon. He knew it wasn't intentional, but it caused pain, and less and less sleep as time progressed. But, yet, that decision on Lins part had pulled Jonathan deeper, like an octopus drowning him closer to the ocean floor.

Jon wanted it all to stop. But, he still had that small hope in him, that Lin would show up one day, and somehow have feelings for him, big ones. And they'd be happy, and live a long life together... have good sex, go on vacations, buy a house together, get married, adopt children... grow old side by side.

It was a ridiculous part of him, but no matter how hard he tried, it couldn't be silenced.

He came in early today, like always. He was still stuck on that stupid cycle. He came through the security guarded door, and ran up the stairs, and found his dressing room. He dropped his backpack on the floor and unstrapped his bike helmet. He stood in Lins- their dressing room, and stared at himself. He pulled away quickly, and went to his room. He sat on his chair, stuck on his earbuds, and let out a sigh before choosing his playlist. He looked at the time on his phone quickly. Still 1 hour until Lins ETA. He bit his lip, and he moved to rest his head on the dressing room counter. His eyes shut. A wave of relief rushed through him as he greeted sleep.

He awoke to a flurry.

"Groff. Groff!"

Jon's eyes shot open. Lin was shaking him.

"Hi! Hi. Hi." He sat straight up. Lin stepped back.

"Come downstairs, now." Lin seemed serious, but there was a tinge of something playful in his eye.

"Why?"

Serious Lin melted away to reveal a smile. He chuckled and bit his lip.

"I was up really late planning this."

"Planning what?" Jon's heart skipped multiple beats, and he felt his cheeks getting hotter with every second.

Lin leaned in, smugly.

"It's V's birthday. We're throwing a surprise party. I need the entire cast there."

Jon's smile sunk, and instead of turning red, he became completely white.

"Yeah, right, okay." He nodded and gasped quietly for breath. His chest had gotten so tight that it was hard to breathe. "I'll be there."

"Sweet. Thanks for understanding, Groffsauce!" He smiled and walked out of the room, leaving Jon alone, once again.

That little bit of hope had gotten the better of him. He blinked back tears. Again, he became an Oscar worthy actor as he wiped the tears coming, and put on a show face.

He could be follow the rules for a few hours. Everything would be fine.

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Hey everyone! I'm a really shitty writer, so, I'm sorry for this. I got the prompt from books-knowledge-power on Tumblr. :-)