Why Him?

Why Him? - Prolouge

I have no idea how to feel about this. I shouldn't feel this way. I thought I stopped feeling this way. His is my friend and clearly, I'm nothing more. Why the hell do I feel this bad? Why do I feel this bad for falling for someone I shouldn't? It's an accident. It wasn't my intention to fall for my best friend. How did it get this way? Fuck.

The day that I meet him I knew he was something else, but I thought we were just going to be good friends. Nothing more...well actually I hated him when I meet him. I thought he was an absolute asshole to be honest. He was rude, crude and downright inappropriate. I meet him at work, he used to play pranks on me all the time and make fun of me. Innocent things like putting "you tried" stickers all over the shop to bigger things like walking into work after his lunch break and pouring a bucket of water over my head when I had no way to get home and get spare clothes and dry off. I hated him but somehow even at his worst, I still found him quite charming

He was just a goofball who wanted to have fun when it came down to it. When we were alone we'd have moments where we would stand around and talk and be real with each other and I feel like that's where I fell. He'd would ask me how I was feeling and genuinely cared and would listen. He used to tell me about how he was bulled at school for being chubby and has now become extremely self-conscious and that's why he is like this, he said that it was a defence mechanism and apologised.

That's when I fell the first time but I got over it, or so I thought. But there was no point. I was stuck. He was my friend and I know he didn't want a relationship. I tried hard to make them go away and I thought they did, but they are still there and it hurts. I see him with other girls, he talks to me about other girls and talks to me about wanting to sleep with my friends. It hurt. It hurt like a mother fucker.

The worst part is I thought I got over these feelings and we moved in together and that's when I realised it all; I was in love with him.