The Single Torment

Swipe right ten times then left rinse and repeat. Rinse, as in the wine that stained Lindsay lips as it was pasted from the Garfield mug. Sitting lethargically on her futon that doubled as her bed, Lindsey Mcgaffey stared intently at her phone with the Tinder app plastered across the screen. Her eyes attentively scan for the quirks: the offensive man bun, one too many fedoras, or the occasional out of place couple photo that made her question...

After going through three glasses of wine, Lindsey closed the online dating app with a groan. The latch of her apartment lock grinds, and all thoughts of nachos and wine combos fly out of Lindsey's mind as her roommate Paula walks into the apartment, arms filled to the brim with grocery bags.

"Oh god, is that wheatgrass?" Lindsay exclaimed, scooting to the far side of the couch.

"Yes it is, and I expect you to take a couple delicious nutritious juice shots with me." Paula's 1940's vintage stilettos clicked on the kitchen floor as she dropped the heavy bags off the counter.

Paula was the Saint and Satan of the little college town of Bone Lake, Wyoming. Lindsey spent her first four years of college making sure that Paula didn't die of alcohol poisoning. Paula was a class act when she was sober or taking a final, but drunk, she was...well, less classy in all regards. Now getting her Master of Science in Human Nutrition, she had a change in heart and blood alcohol levels. Now Lindsey was more afraid she would overdose on kale or nasty wheatgrass.

Both Paula and Lindsey shared some similar features, and if you were drunk enough, you might mistake them as sisters. They both had long wavy brown hair, and were rather voluptuous, although Paula beat Lindsey out every time with her curvy Latina hips, small tan features, and plump curved lips. But the major difference in their appearance was in their roots, both inheriting distinct familial features passed down through generations. Lindsey was descended from an Irish family of farmers working the midwest land. Paula's ancestors were best known for picking and tending grape fields as Mexican farm hands. Of course all of Paula's family now are incredibly rich thanks to their hard work, and Paula is the first to hit anyone that would make fun of what she calls "some of the hardest and most underappreciated people of earth." She is unapologetically feisty and Lindsey loves her to pieces.

Turning back to Lindsey, Paula's hand rests on her Latina hips that made everyone envious.

"Any time now..." Paula said with a smirk.

"How about not in this lifetime?" Lindsey responds, theatrically pretending she was dying by choking herself. Paula just scowls.

"I'm sure your blood sugar is shit thanks to all that wine. When was the last time you tested it?"

"Since when is it your business, Ms. Brussel Sprout?" Lindsey teases, rising from her dying state on the couch.

"You test your blood, and I'll tell you about the amazing date I set up for you."

This got Lindsey's attention.

"You did not..." she says slowly.

"I most certainly did, my diabetic friend."

Paula brought out the juicer, her face cocked into a self-satisfied expression.

"You didn't..."

"I did," She says again, with a large toothy grin.

........................................................................................................................After downing a shot of green snot, Lindsey coaxed out of Paula the details about the date. Apparently, he's some hot shot engineer Paula had been friends with since high school, and they had just recently reconnected. He's a local, and was seemingly fascinated in getting to know outsider country girl Lindsey.