First.

Last.

With time, comes healing. Or so that's what they say. I believe that with time, comes blindness. New things are simply found to distract our minds from the pain of the past, so that we might allow ourselves to move on. 

Russet curls danced in every which way on the little girl twirling before me. Her eyes are large and golden, like yours, with a graceful smile that melted the coldness on my heart. The innocence and naivety that was hers alone had yet to be tarnished by the reality that was life. Awe fills these bubbly eyes that still see the good in everyman. Even one so displeasing to the eye as myself. I love her.

The years had flown by since that time in high school. We'd never been quite the same after our encounter but at least you had started to heal. You had taken back  your life and the love of your body. No longer did you cry about my betrayal or the bruises left on your heart. Instead, the world had given you new things to grieve and laugh about. And just like that, without our knowing, that mistake of the past had begun to gather dust. It was hidden now but not forgotten. 

My bottom lip finds my teeth, as I chew nervously at the corner of my mouth. Bad habits die hard it'd seem. I still get nervous when I feel your eyes on me and it's all I can do to keep my cool. My eyes find yours and I search for any hint of longing in your face. With practice comes perfect and you'd truly become a master at disguising  your feelings. That mask would fall instantly at just a glance in my direction and I could read you well. But now, your quiet smile tells me nothing. 

Your hand rides over mines, and squeezes it tight as if to give me the strength you so cruelly tore from me, after confessing your departure from this town tomorrow morning. With no warning at all, you'd decided to just go and uproot yourself from the only world we knew. The one where my eyes could still watch you, even while you slept in the arms of another. 

It's times like these that I wonder if things might have been different between us. If I hadn't kissed you, or touched you or love you, might fate have sewed our lives together or was it simply not meant to be? Do I make the same mistake or countless others that ruin the potential future of 'us' in an alternate universe? Or might there be a me, another Aaron, existing in some other plane of reality who gets his Ari and they live happily ever after? Just like in the love stories you adored so much...Im jealous of him. 

My lips part briefly and a hundred questions run through my mind but before I can utter one, you shake your head gently, curls bouncing to and fro and whisper no.

"Asking questions would just make saying goodbye harder."

I clench your hand hard in mine and tuck in my lip as I attempt to hold back the rush of emotion taking on my heart. I waited for you Ari. Sixteen years I waited for you, clinging onto the fleeting hope that we might  get back together.  When you got married I prayed for a divorce. When you were pregnant, I hoped that you miss carried. When she was born, I wished that you would run away with me so that she might be mine too. All throughout your happiness, I longed for your sadness. For you to find joys with no one but me.

And its thoughts like that, that lead me to believe you might have been finding it difficult still, to get on with your life after what I'd done. So, I suppose that was the underlying reason for this abrupt move. To finally leave this small town in exchange for a fresh start,  in a world void of me. 

A tiny palm rested against my cheek and dried a stray tear. I turned my attention from you and to the clone standing next to me. Small fingers reached up onto each side of my head and held my ears prisoners. She pulled my head forward so that she could reach up and peck me on the forehead. I stared at her with wonder and her mother did too.

"Don't cry..It's not goodbye." 

With that and a smile, she scampered back to amuse herself. I looked to you and discovered you snickering. I couldn't resist for long and I laughed too. We were both laughing and I didn't know why. Was it to hide the hurt, or because we couldn't make sense of the girl's sudden kindnest?

Regardless, it'll be my sweetest memory once you've up and gone and left me with nothing but flashbacks of the past. I'll miss you and I won't cry anymore because it isn't goodbye. That's what she said. And I'd like to think that she was your heart speaking. So I'll beleiev her. 

Someday, I pray,  you'll come back to me.