Fallen From Forgotten Storms. ( #wattys2018 )

7. Baby Blues.

And it did come again. In leaps and bounds. It ripped me apart every time Alex fainted, or blacked out....Or even just got a paper cut.

You don't know what true pain is until you see someone you love being teared apart and knowing deep down you can't save them. Not even help them. You just have to stick around and watch because if you left that would hurt them even more.

The years went by quickly. It's sad. I treasure the time we had together but still, it wasn't enough. The constant changing seasons played tricks on me. The clock was ticking and every time the green leaves turned orange id know that winter was on its way. And a new year would soon be around the corner.

The thoughts on New Years Day are meant to be happy. Not mine. I had to hide the fact that I kept thinking 'this could be the year. The year I lost her.'

Seeing halcyon families in the street made me ache. There was a time when we tried to have a child of our own. Just a week after we had gotten married.

We decorated the spare room into a baby room. We painted lions, giraffes and zebras all across the walls. We made it cosy and nice for when the baby came. I remember that call from Alex's colleague though. I wish I didn't.

"Alex is in hospital" she paused, "please don't panic but... Something's wrong with the baby" she said.

I went through every single red light. I ran down every corridor of the hospital. I screamed at every doctor or nurse I saw to see where Alex was.

I found her in a puddle of tears. With Clare, a work colleague, huddled next to her. She got up when she saw me so I could take her place besides Alex.

"He's dead." She whispered in my ear before wailing in grief.

My little baby boy died before even seeing the world. Before I could ever say his name. And before I could tell him why I fell in love with his mother.

This world is cruel. That's the only way I can put it.